20 May 07 Journal Entry

Numbers 20:12 (On the heels of Moses striking the rock instead of speaking to it.)
“Because you did not trust in Me enough to honor Me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.”

Stakes are high. The slightest bit of disobedience has such dramatic consequences.

Moses mistake? Unbelief
Uzziah’s mistake? PRIDE
David’s mistake? Lust
Solomon? Idolatry

Lust of the eyes
Lust of the flesh
Pride of life

Nobody is exempt from temptation. No one is too strong to not fall. We are sustained only by grace. I see now more than ever how critical it is to STAY ON MY FACE before God and diligently be alert to the Holy Spirit, especially now that I’m really sold out to knowing Him and carrying out His will.

satan doesn’t like that. I realize he targets people who are doing damage to his empire. I’m not afraid of him. I’m certainly aware of the fact that without Jesus I’m hopeless to stand against him. BUT greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. The battle is the Lord’s.

My greatest enemy: MYSELF. My flesh. Oh God, purge the pride and lust and all other sin from my heart. Make me clean before You! Sustain me, I beg, when I’m faced with temptation!

Pressed But Not Crushed

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:8,9

Two nights ago Ben awoke from a dead sleep with horrific chest pain. He said it felt like someone had hit him with his fist (right around his sternum), and the muscles were squeezing around the area. It wasn’t long before he was on the floor, pale, clammy, and violently shaking. “Call the doctor,” he whispered to me.

What a scary moment. I had already called Teresa, who was on her way. I got a hold of the doctor, and he said to take Ben to the hospital. So when Teresa got here, we hurried into her car. (Joyce stayed with the kids who were already asleep.)

We were praying constantly as Teresa sped down the road. Ben finally cried out, “God, please help me! Please stop this pain!” We arrived at the hospital about 2 minutes later. We hurried in the door and sat Ben on a chair.

Suddenly his pain stopped.

Still, I was rushing, trying to find a someone—anyone—to help us. I finally hunted down a nurse, who said, “I will find someone,” after I told her I was afraid my husband was having a heart attack. I actually never saw her again. Teresa found someone to get Ben some attention. Still, no one was in a hurry. (The apathy of the staff was about to give ME a heart attack!)

Long and short: his pain left and has not returned since. All the test results show nothing irregular. The next day the doctor concluded Ben’s chest pain must have been a result of the injection he had received to treat some inflammation in his foot. The foot pain was alleviated, but one of the “one in a million” side effects is chest pain.

Yesterday, before we had learned the test results, I had resolved to trust the Lord. I clung to verses in Psalm 55 (particularly 16-18 and 22), writing them into my journal and also onto a paper for Ben. The last verse is, “But as for me, I trust in You.” I left my morning quiet time with that resolve, but it wasn’t long before I was beginning to lose my cool. I became quite short with the kids, and I cried whenever I tried to tell someone about what was going on.

I realize that’s normal for anyone to get like that. What ISN’T normal is the peace we all have had, starting yesterday afternoon and carrying on all throughout today. I’ve told Ben I KNOW people are praying, and I KNOW God is answering their prayers. There is no other explanation. The peace is nearly tangible.

So, I thank you for your prayers. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Of all the support we need—people, finances, wisdom, etc.—we most of all need your prayers. It really does make a difference. Again, I say, thank you!

And I thank our Heavenly Father, who truly is sustaining us. His Word is true! The Lord, in His awesome way, is already working good of this, and I sit in anticipation of what He’ll do next. "Pressed, but not crushed." God keeps stepping in, and He brings glory to Himself every time. Oh, that every trial we experience will shine light on His awesome love and huge power! It makes it worth the suffering, to see Jesus magnified in each situation.