Journal Entry 8 May 2009

I feel like I have been doing jet lag with Ben — awake when he’s awake, napping when he naps. :-)

James 5:9
“Brothers, do not complain about one another, so that you will not be judged. Look! The judge stands at the door!”

Ugh. Convicted. God, please forgive me. Help me not complain about anyone—from my precious kids to the kombi drivers. I sort of lost it yesterday. I didn’t flip the dude off, but I became horribly offended and didn’t let him cut me off. I’m tempted to elaborate, but even to this the Holy Spirit says “no.”

He told me to view the difficult experiences while out in the world as opportunities to show mercy. Wow. To practice showing mercy. To not have an offended spirit while practicing showing mercy.

Praise Him!

It’s amazing how much just considering this lifts my spirit.

God, please give me wisdom. Please fill my heart with sincere love and compassion for everyone, especially for those who can be challenging for me to love.

I love asking You for stuff like this, because I know it’s in Your will! I believe You’ll do this miracle in my heart! Thanks in advance, Lord!

Oh, Happy Day!

Right now it is the middle of the night. I’m awake with jet lag, having just returned to Swaziland from the States. After walking and praying for a while (Lord, please be with the missionaries! lol), I grabbed my Bible and headed to the bathroom where I can turn on the light without waking anyone. I’m loving what I read:

Zechariah 3:4
“See, I have removed your guilt from you, and I will clothe you with splendid robes.”

Context? Joshua, the high priest, was standing before the Lord with satan standing nearby to accuse him. The angel of the Lord rebuked satan. By order of the Lord, Joshua’s excrement-covered clothes were removed and replaced.

Many things about this passage that minister to my spirit.

Before satan spoke a word, he was rebuked. It’s like the angel was saying, “Ah, no, I know what you’re about to say, and the LORD ALMIGHTY says to shut up!”

Joshua was a priest—the high priest—yet his filthy clothes represented his guilt. Perhaps he did some of the things satan was about to accuse him of doing. Sometimes I feel like because I’m already a believer, I need to beat myself up when I sin because I should know better. That’s what the enemy wants me to do. Yet the Lord didn’t do that with Joshua.

The clothes were taken off, and with them the guilt was carried away. God says, “See! All better! No more stinky stains! No more guilt. Here’s a fresh start, too.”

In a few days, much of the world will pause and acknowledge Christ’s death and resurrection, an event the Lord predicted in that same chapter:

Zechariah 3:9
“I will take away the guilt of this land in a single day.”

How HUGE is that?! All of the guilt of the WHOLE WORLD—the sins of every person who has ever lived or will live—wiped away in a single day!

Any guilt we carry around now is completely unnecessary (and a deception the enemy loves) because Jesus paid the whole price. His sacrifice is sufficient. God passionately loves us, which is what drove Him to lay His life down for us. THIS is a reason to celebrate!

I love this because even as I padded into the bathroom tonight, I was dragging around with me some guilt about things I’d said and done recently that I shouldn’t have. I’m afraid I’ve hurt some people. I’d repented, but it didn’t seem to help this antagonizing guilt. Then the Lord reminded me that this guilt-load is not mine to carry. Repent? Yes! Make things right? Yes! Walk with slumped shoulders, carrying a load of guilt? NO!!!

Oh, thank You, Lord Jesus, for Your sacrifice, for loving me enough to do that. I’m so glad You love me. Oh, please help others know Your love too!

Oh, Happy Day, Happy Day!
He washed my sin away!
Oh, Happy Day, Happy Day!
I’ll never be the same;
Forever I am changed!

Powerful Enough

8 March 09 Journal Entry

Nahum 1:12b-13
"Though I have afflicted you, I will afflict you no longer. For I will now break off his yoke from you and tear off your shackles."

Lord, once again You have let me encounter my own weakness. Determination alone can't get me out of the shackles of pride, self-absorption, food, skin-picking, vanity, laziness, doubt...

The ugly list could fill many pages, I'm afraid. But Jesus, this is why You came and died. Your Blood is powerful. Powerful enough to not only forgive me and wash away my guilt, making me white as snow (Hallelujah!), but also powerful enough to deliver me from the clutches of the sin so I don't have to be stuck in the rut of repeating that sin.

Still, Father, I'm fighting battles. Please deliver me!

Thank You for allowing me to encounter my weakness which helps to combat my ugly, ugly sin of pride.

I love You, Jesus. I'm so thankful that You love me despite my junk.

I trust You, Abba. Please be king of my heart, ruling all my decisions. Please change my desires to be in conformity to Your will.

Awesome God. I love that You care for me. I take security and comfort in that knowledge.

Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so

#34

6 March 09 Journal Entry

Yep, I'm 34 today. Having time with the Lord outside this morning. Sun is just rising. Cool air, but I'm comfy wrapped in a big blanket.

New dawn, new year, LORD, what does the future hold? What do You have marked out? What can I give You? Is there anything today I can lay aside in order to more thoroughly be surrendered and abandoned to You?

I echo Mike Haman's pray this past Wednesday--"Lord, please remove anything I'm leaning on that is keeping me from fully relying on You!"

I heard Mike and thought, "Wow, that's a brave prayer." But I want to say that, with all sincerity!

Counting the cost...what might He eliminate? Am I ready? Lord, please make me ready! I want to be 100% dependent upon You, and nothing and no one else! Abandoned to You in every way, Abba God.

Hebrews 12:1
"Therefore since we also have such a large crowd of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us, and run with endurance the race marked out before us."

v. 2 - "Fixing our eyes on Jesus."

Lord, may I be fixed on You, heart and soul, forevermore.

I Ate It!

Yesterday I went to the ‘Cup office to steal my husband. While waiting for him to break away, I noticed many people were chomping on snacks.

“Whatchyagot?” I asked.

Nondumiso held up the other half of what was in her mouth. It looked like a charred caterpillar. And, that’s about what it is. These things are called Mopani worms, and they’re a popular snack in these parts. KB brought some in to share (kinda like I like to do with cookies).



I’ve known about these worms since before I ever moved to Africa, but still after seven years of living here, I still hadn’t ventured to eat one. Until now.

Sigh.

I wouldn’t do well on Fear Factor. Jacci and Jessie coached me through it. It was like a dare, I didn’t want to let it beat me. I decided to take just one bite. I got a nice long one and Jacci got her camera out. Then I looked closely at which end to bite, the head—NOT! The tail—that’s WORSE! I dropped the thing and noisily danced in a little circle.

I said to myself, “Breathe. Self control.” I quoted aloud Philippians 4:13, only half joking, and took the worm again. Jacci said, “Just think of it as spicy beef jerky. Don’t think about what it is you’re eating.” That turned out to be the trick.



I did it. I ate a bite of Mopani worm. It’s like a thick-skinned Cheetoh with a chewy, beef jerky-tasting center. The taste actually isn’t offensive. Still, one bite was enough for me. And my stomach churned for the next couple hours (was that only psychological?).

And the last thing I thought about last night before I fell asleep was the sensation of that thing between my teeth. Nice…

Home for the Holidays

I’m experiencing a phenomenon. This is the first time in seven years in Africa that I’ve not felt acutely homesick during the Christmas season. In fact, 2008 has been the first year that I’ve not felt twinges of wistfulness to be in the States nearly every Sunday.

Since I’m an MK (missionary kid), “home” has always been a relative term. I’ve lived in more than 20 different houses, so there is no specific place I think of when I hear the song, “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” Yet being here in such a vastly different place, I found myself aching to be in the States during this time of year.

But something has changed, and being a true Ohlerking, I’ve been mentally analyzing this for a few days. What is different this year? Could it be that we’ve lived here so long that we’ve acclimated, and our lives here have become our “normal”? No doubt that comes into play. I’m SURE having my mom and dad here makes a big difference, too. Yet I still miss so many other family members and loved ones.

Well, I think I’ve awakened to the pivotal difference this year:

Healing Place Church Swaziland

Ben and I pastor this campus, and we are loving it. We’re passionate for the people, eager to help them experience Christ’s love and redemption. Sundays are amazing, now, and I don’t watch the clock, thinking about HPC in Baton Rouge, noting when their services are going on and yearning to be there. We do pray for everyone and the services there, but again, it’s with contented hearts.

Our hearts are here, now. No matter where I am in the world, I’m missing loved ones, so geography can’t help me on that one. Heaven truly is our ultimate home. Until we reach there, I’ll never be fully settled. But suddenly, thank You, Jesus, and thank you, HPC, my earthly home is here. And this year, whenever I hear the song, “I’ll Be Home for Christmas,” I’m delighted to realize that I am home!

To Trust You

Lord, I don’t understand
What is in Your plan
This is from Your hand
God, help me to trust You

Unexpected wave comes
Where did that come from?
Grieving has begun
God, please help me to trust You

Your purpose no one can oppose
Lord, nobody knows
The plans you skillfully compose
God, Oh, how I need to trust You

Back to square one again
It’s in You all life begins
And You know how it all ends
God, I know I can trust You

I surrender my will once more
Picking my broken heart off the floor
Giving it to You like before
God, I choose to trust You