Susan Rodgers

Rainy Days

2011-09-03T08:08:00.000-07:00

I wrote the following poem one morning a year ago. I came across it a couple days ago when I was looking through my journal. In light of the weather we are experiencing as a result of Tropical Storm Lee, I feel it's appropriate and fun to share it today.

Rainy Days
Toward the end of a long night,
I sit quietly by candlelight.
Heavy clouds mask the sunrise,
While some gaze with wistful eyes.
But I bask in rainy days,
A wry smile upon my face,
Considering the many pleasures
Of this soggy, “dreary” weather:
Snuggles by a cozy fire,
Quality time—my heart’s desire!
Soup and warm bread for supper—
Could things get any better?
Jammies, slippers, fuzzy socks,
Stories, movies, and long talks.
A fleece blanket, a Christmas song,
Cuddling the whole night long.
Ah yes, I look forward in many ways
To this chilly, rainy day.

How He Loves Us

2010-11-09T19:26:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow, four weeks after my dad passed away, is Jordan Gautreau's funeral. I feel sort of like we're in the middle of a storm. I thought I'd gained my footing, and then WHAM! a new wave crashes over me. My eyes sting from crying, yet I keep clinging to Jesus. I know He'll see us through this.

My brother Dan posted a blog Jordan wrote a while back. It is so beautiful; I am copying and pasting it into my blog as well.

(Dan's blog:)

oh how He loves us
by Dan Ohlerking on Tuesday, November 9, 2010 at 8:21pm

michelle gros read this today from a post on Jordan Gautreau's blog a while back.

wow.

(Jordan's blog:)

So I’ve been listening to this song lately called “How He loves us”. The origional version is by a guy by the name of John McMillan or something. Kim Walker does a remake that is equally as powerful. Anyway it basically talks about, yep you got it you smart cookie, His love for us. The lyrics to this song are so powerful, aside from the depth of His love for us, there is a line that says, “and suddenly I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory” Man that is a powerful thought, that when we enter into His presence, into His glory all of the things of life that have been afflicting us suddednly disappear behind who He is. Strong. It’s really quite humbling to think of the depth of love that He has for me, and how undeserving I am of it. Makes me want to love others with a reckless abandon and to really appreciate those I already love.

I love you Lord. You are worthy. You are sovereign. You are majestic. You are caring. You are in control. You know the plan. You want my best. You are my Lord and Saviour. You are my King. You are my portion. You are my shield. You are my rock. You are my deliverer. You are my substance. You are my healer. You are my provider, my strongtower, my hope, my future, my glory, my all in all, my everything. Have Your way. Teach me to die. Lord crucify me. Crucify my hopes, and dreams, crucify everything that is of me. Life through death. Thank you for allowing me to partake in the fellowship of your suffering.

(Dan:)

more than ever before i want to live my life with THIS as my devotion. He loves me so much and so i will love Him and others much. no matter what it takes.

thanks Jordan. you are an incredible inspiration. you will be missed, but we WILL see you again.

(me again:)

And to that I say, "Amen!"

By the way, that is the very song that went through my mom's heart and mind right after Dad passed away, and we sung it at the services for him.

Cocoa

2010-08-19T11:05:00.001-07:00

Today we buried Cocoa. Yes, there were tears. In this "dry" season, clouds appropriately moved in on the blue sky just as the kids, Sibo, and I were filling the grave. The gray sky and cold drizzle matched our mood.

Still, I am thankful for the five years we had with her. If I went outside early in the morning for time with Jesus, she was faithful to come greet me, silently begging for loves. The day after she died, I kept thinking I was hearing her. It was just a droopy palm tree branch brushing on the trunk.

The kids buried notes with her. My mom sent an email with thoughts and memories about Cocoa. I am going to close with a quote from that message:

"The Bible doesn’t say one way or the other about dogs going to heaven. But I’m sure that IF they do, Cocoa will be there."

What Happened?!

2010-07-18T23:47:00.000-07:00

This morning, as I reflect on the events of the past four weeks, I am in awe. We’ve experienced God’s miraculous intervention, and I’m eager to share the story with you.

About four weeks ago, Levi starting having tummy trouble: pain every time he ate, accompanied by numerous trips to the restroom as well as nausea. Living in Africa, we are no strangers to this sort of thing. I kept him supplied with liquids and bland foods, thinking it would be over in a few days. Only the symptoms hung on, and he began to drop weight.

At the end of the third week, the doctors recommended we took him to a pediatrician in Nelspruit, South Africa. It is still a mystery how we got in to this particular doctor—just another thumbprint of God through all this.

I’ll admit I was a little concerned about how Levi would do with the 2½ -hour trip to Nelspruit. It’s not like there are rest areas along the drive! Somehow, by God’s grace, we never had to stop on the side of the road for a potty break.

The doctor decided to admit Levi to the hospital and made arrangements for tests to be run. It was Wednesday afternoon. I knew people were waking up in America; I knew people were joining the call to fast and pray for Levi. I was so thankful for the prayer covering.

The first sign of change: the last urgent trip to the bathroom for Levi was right before the doctor’s appointment. Thirty hours then passed before we were able to get a stool sample. It was such sudden and dramatic change from the 15 to 20 trips a day Levi was having. The doctor asked if I had heard of “Murphy’s Law.” I knew it wasn’t Murphy who authored this!

Levi was still experiencing pain every time he ate, though. I read the Word to him, sang songs, and also read aloud the messages people sent. How extremely encouraging that was for all of us! I also put onto index cards some of the scriptures people had sent us and stuck them on the mirror in his room.

Friday afternoon, they put him to sleep to perform a colonoscopy. The results came back normal. Levi was released from the hospital with the doctor wanting us to come back in a few days for a follow-up on Levi and the other test results. So far nothing has been found.

Saturday we went back home, and I felt compelled to encourage Levi to receive God’s healing, to reach out and claim it. His face lit up, and he said, “Yeah!” That was a huge turning point for him! He decided to go be outside with the girls. Oh, it was good to see him moving around!

Sunday morning he wanted to leave for church early with Daddy. The healthy, always-ready-early Levi was back! Ben shared Levi’s testimony at church, having him come forward along with a young man who also has experienced miraculous healing from being in a coma a month ago, to coming to church in a wheelchair, to coming to church on crutches, to yesterday walking into church unassisted. Together, we celebrated the Lord’s goodness. God’s presence was thick and powerful!

Recently, I participated in a lady’s Bible study on the book of Esther. One of the things we learned is how the Lord several times took what the enemy meant for harm and turned the table, making it into something good for His people. Since completing this study, I have begun to recognize the Lord doing it over and over again. In fact, the theme resonates throughout the Bible and as well as in our lives today. I sometimes think it must be frustrating to be the devil with so many of his evil schemes turning out to be blessings and tools for strengthening the family of God!

To all of you who prayed, thank you! If you fasted, thank you! For the emails and encouraging words, we Rodgers thank you from the bottom of our heart! God did hear, God did act, God did heal! I am so awash in awe of His goodness, I can’t help but praise Him!

Please let me say it again: THANK YOU for your prayers!

Yesterday, I read in Matthew 9 about a group taking their paraplegic friend to Jesus. “Seeing their faith, Jesus…” Jesus acted on account of the faith of the people taking their friend to Him. I feel like YOU have been those friends for Levi (and all of us), in faith taking him to Jesus in a unified effort. I love being in the body of Christ; I love being in this beautiful family of God!

So, what happened? The devil had a plan for harm. The body of Christ rallied together and brought a family member to Him, and God turned what was evil into something good. The Lord has yet again trumped the schemes of the enemy, and today we are shouting Jesus’ praise!

New Missionaries to Africa!

2010-06-19T09:18:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite ministries is to help "catch" new missionaries as they move to Africa. Currently staying with us is the Stauber family from Celebration Church in Austin, Texas. They climbed off a plane from the States two weeks ago and are moving on to Mozambique next week to pastor a CarePoint/Celebration church campus plant in Xai-Xai.

(Diane, Mel, Rachel, and Matthew Stauber)

They are amazing people! Our kids love their kids, and they already refer to each other as "cousins." It has been such a blessing to have them in our home.

Please, will you join us in lifting them up in prayer as they jump head-first into ministering in rural Africa?

Heavenly Father, thank You for sending more laborers to help with this huge harvest! Please will You protect them and equip them to do all You've called them to do? Please send people to come alongside them and help them in their community. Bless them, awesome God, and help them produce much fruit for Your kingdom. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

(Kayla and Rachel at Kakhoza CarePoint)

27 April 10 Journal Entry

2010-04-26T22:25:00.000-07:00

Excerpts from 27 April 10 Journal Entry

Yesterday I watched a Louie Giglio DVD: Christ in You, the Hope of Glory, Pt 1.

Main point: We CAN’T get out of sin without Christ. We don’t need to be fixed, we need to be saved. We CAN’T do it on our own! Christ takes us out of our sin, comes into our hearts, and places us in Him as well. Louie had a Tupperware analogy. He labeled boxes and placed them inside one another. What stuck out to me was his point, which was not by any means new to me, but the revelation was fresh:

“We CAN’T live a righteous life on our own.”

Object lesson for me:

Before the video, Levi tried building a fire and failed. Finally, I gave it a shot and failed. Then Levi, Trinity, and I went a few steps outside our gate (their eyes were big, “We’re going OUTSIDE our gate, Mommy?”) and gathered sticks and cut grass for kindling.

Problem: everything was wet. Ends up we also had too much ash in the fireplace from the previous fire so the air couldn’t get to our meticulously built teepee of sticks, paper, and semi-wet grass. I tried and tried for about 45 minutes, even praying for the Lord to make the fire go.

I finally gave up, frustrated. It was a holiday, so nobody was around who I could ask for help. I thought about going to the grocery store for fire starter, but wasn’t sure if it would be open. I decided we’d just get fuzzy blankets and make due without it.

I gave up.

I read books to Trinity, then I put in Louie. During the message, Joyce popped in, wondering if I wanted her to work. I’m not sure why she thought that—it was Monday, her normal day off, as well as a holiday. But here she was, ready to go. I saw her notice the mess of effort around our fireplace. She was kind but obviously amused. I asked her if she would take a minute to help us build a fire, joking about it perhaps being a “malungu” thing to not be able to build a fire (which it is joked about among Swazi’s). She laughed. She cleaned up the ash, dumping the tray somewhere outside.

Within minutes (with one match to my 25) she had a raging fire going. She was pretty non-chalant about it, too, and had no boy-scout teepee of sticks to get it going. Her BARE hands can move things around in a hot oven, take a bee-sting and feel nothing (calloused!), and move around papers with her fingers literally in the flame. She did it, and made it look so easy.

It was a gift. She didn’t have to do that.

So, during the resumed DVD, as Louie was saying, “We CAN’T do it! We need a Savior!” my eyes fluttered to our now raging fire. The Lord reminded me of how I gave up and walked away from it. All the perseverance and effort on my part was fruitless. I needed someone to do it for me. Joyce was Jesus personified to me yesterday.

And Jesus helped me see how this applies to the rest of my life. My antagonizing bad habits (like skin-picking and food-obsessing)—I can’t beat them without Jesus doing it in me! I can’t kick my legalistic tendencies. I can’t be kind, and certainly not love unconditionally. I mercilessly judge others, and then become guilty of the same thing. My family endures the brunt of that. (I’m so sorry!)

Louie said that when God looks at us, He sees us and loves us, but mostly He sees Jesus. Jesus IS our righteousness. He did it for us as He knows we cannot.

Colossians 1:27
“God wanted to make known to those among the Gentiles the glorious wealth of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.”

What I read in Daniel yesterday adds to the message it seems the Lord is pressing to me: SUBMERGE myself in CHRIST. Not a new thought, but somehow, once again, I’ve gotten very wrapped up in it being my own effort.

I know, from times in the past, the more I’m consumed with simply KNOWING Jesus and being close to Him, the less I am run by my flesh.

Lord, please help me GET this! Once and for all, not waffling back to old patterns.

Colossians 2:6
“Therefore, as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”

Saying Good-bye

2010-01-05T07:58:00.001-08:00

Today my friend, Crystal, leaves Swaziland. She and her sweet family moved here about a year after we did (which was in 2003!), and we've been good friends ever since. Now the Lord is leading them to move on. My heart is aching again, my eyes once more leaking with the grief that accompanies saying good-bye.

To Crystal:

You have walked with me through so much. You listen well, you empathise, and you've been there to speak truth to me when I needed to hear it most. You've been transparent at Bible studies, which has given me the courage to do the same. You are a beautiful woman of God (inside and out), a loving minister, a sweet wife, a patient mom--an example to me in so many ways.

I want everyone to know how blessed I am to have you in my life, and how blessed they'll be if they get to know you!

Although I am crying that you are leaving, I'm so thankful for the time I've had you here. The joy of the friendship is worth the heartache when we part. Thankfully, for those who love Jesus, no good-bye is forever. I can breathe a little deeper, now, just having thought of that again.

Hamba Kahle, ungami wami. May our paths soon cross again! I love you.

Susan

Called to Serve

2009-12-07T21:59:00.000-08:00

Right now we are holding Christmas parties at our Children’s Cup CarePoints. Last year we did three huge parties; this year we’re splitting into teams and doing three a day, one at each CarePoint. We’re thankful for our ‘Cup missionaries and staff, teams from River Valley Church (MN) and Bayside Community Church (FL), as well as volunteers from Healing Place Church Swaziland, without whom we certainly could not pull this off!

Before the parties began, I’ll admit the thought of taking Kayla, Levi, and Trinity to the many days of parties was a little daunting. They’re wiped out after just an afternoon at a CarePoint! Still, I was ready to take it on. Then Ben said, “Sooze, don’t try to take the kids to all the Christmas parties. Just go to the party at Kakhoza.” (That is the CarePoint we consistently visit.) I was relieved at his words.

Now, though, as the parties are going, I’ve battled antagonizing guilt that I’m not there. Some people ask, “Why aren’t you at the parties?” I stumble over my reply. "I am homeschooling the kids and taking them to swimming lessons." It just sounds hollow.

Still, though, I know I’m doing the right thing for us. I sat on our back veranda this morning and spent a little time analyzing the situation and my feelings. Conclusion: It hurts because I’m not attaining people’s approval. BONG! Pride strikes again.

The Holy Spirit reminded me that I’m doing exactly what He wants me to do right now, and that is to be Mom to my kids. I am teaching them to be followers of Jesus. I want to do this on purpose, not just bide my time as a mother, wishing I could go out and do things others are doing. He reminded me that I am ministering to the little ones He wants me to reach.

So, Ben, the Holte’s (staying with us right now), Joyce, Siwe, and Ruth are all coming home from the parties tired and happy. They also come with armloads of red “Serve” shirts to be washed and loaned out to our volunteers the next day. We had three visits last night from others with more dirty shirts for us to wash.

Ah-hah! Now THIS is something I can do! Our machines were busy last night, and they’re going this morning. After putting some shirts in the dryer, I read Jesus’ words:

“If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and be a servant of all.”

I’m sure it’s not coincidence that I read these words at this time. He calls me to serve. He calls us all to serve. That’s it. Do with all our hearts what He leads us to do.

So, my main contribution to the ‘Cup Christmas parties this year: I wash the “Serve” shirts. (And even with that others are helping!) As I was folding a load this morning, I prayed over the people who would be wearing them, that they would be full of the love of Jesus so the little kids would encounter Him in a very real way. I’ll still be praying as the day goes on.

So, no more guilt about not being at all the parties. I’m doing exactly what the Lord wants me to do. I’ll be at Kakhoza tomorrow with our kids, and that’s cool. I’ll wash shirts again tonight. And the next night. And the next!

Speaking of that, I need to go put another load of wet shirts in the dryer…

He Who Began a Good Work in You...

2009-11-22T17:05:00.000-08:00

Two blogs in one sitting! I guess I'm making up for lost time. :-)

I've just read through some of my old blog posts. It's interesting to read and remember the different things I was going through as I wrote. Part of me is like, "Who is this goody-two-shoes?" when I read some of my own words. Lord knows I'm sincere, and the more vulnerable posts taken straight out of my journal entries are about as real as one can get.

I read and see a girl who wants to try so hard to live for Jesus that she forgets to simply abide let Him live through her. She's learning to surrender her will to His and follow His agenda. Sometimes she can be a slow learner!

I'm just thankful the Lord loves me, no matter what. I still have a lot to learn. I choose to rest in this truth:

"He Who Began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it." Philippians 1:6

I'll keep blogging, sharing lessons I'm learning in hopes that perhaps someone else can glean a little truth and encouragement. That makes it all worthwhile.

HPC-Swaziland Interns

2009-11-22T16:43:00.000-08:00

See these four beautiful people? Their names are Paul, Tamara, Tyrone, and Karl. They are HPC Swaziland’s 2009 interns. Their last day was this past Friday. Yesterday they shared at church about their experiences as interns, and how their lives have been changed.

Ben and I are so proud of them, and we love them each so much.

Please pray for them, now, as they seek God about their future. Please pray that they’ll keep the faith and always live for Jesus. Pray that the seed deposited in them will multiply and flourish for the Kingdom of God.

God, please bless Paul, Tamara, Tye, and Karl!

Lovin’ It

2009-09-20T12:25:00.000-07:00

Have you ever found yourself doing what you never thought you’d do, and realize you’re passionate about it?

Ben and I have been pastoring Healing Place Church’s Swaziland campus for 18 months, now, and I’m more excited than ever to be doing this.

On Sunday mornings, I leave the house early for worship practice with snacks for our volunteers in tow. Since we’ve begun to have two services, we now get home well after 1:30 p.m.—-last Sunday it was after 2:30! Today at our house we hosted 30 or so people for a late lunch after church, holding our monthly HPC leaders meeting. Hours were invested yesterday in purchasing and preparing the food for today. Praise Jesus for our faithful hospitality team who helped!

Instead of feeling weary, I find myself exhilarated with all of it. I thrive on doing what the Lord has called us to do. I sincerely love our people. When we see evidence of spiritual growth in their lives, we are thrilled! And the Lord has blessed us with amazing, faithful volunteers who help make this happen.

Another really cool thing is how all three of my kids are lovin’ it, too. They helped with all the food preparations yesterday. Kayla is in the kid leadership program, so she is busily helping in various ways at children’s church. Levi is learning how to help run the sound board and is diligently learning guitar, eager for the day he can help lead worship. Trinity tags along with Kayla and loves on everyone she sees.

And to think, I never thought I’d be a pastor’s wife. God sure has a sense of humor. I’m well aware of the fact that without Him, we can’t do any of this. Without His strength, we’d fall on our faces, for sure. But He is doing it, and sometimes I just sit back, amazed at all that’s going on.

And I’m LOVING IT!!

13 Aug 09 Journal Entry

2009-08-12T22:02:00.000-07:00

Exodus 15:26
“If you will carefully obey the LORD your God, do what is right in His eyes, pay attention to His commands, and keep all His statues, I will not inflict any illness on you I inflicted on the Egyptians. For I am the LORD Who heals you.”

These were instructions to Israel, just after their deliverance across the Red Sea and their jubilant praise to God. He has their attention, belief, and fear, and this is what He told them.

But then three verses later, in chapter sixteen, they were grumbling and complaining.

“Complain” is one of Kayla’s spelling words. Definition – “to find fault in.”

Hmmm…..

How can we ever presume to find fault in our Holy, Powerful, King of Kings, Universe Creator, Perfect One?

What follows the fault-finding and doubting His goodness and perfect ways? DISOBEDIENCE

Disobedience is the very thing the LORD addressed in Exodus 15:26. Israel was tested, and they repeatedly failed in chapter sixteen (ugh, and all throughout the Bible).

It’d exasperate me if I weren’t the same way! I doubt His goodness and do my own thing. I don’t like the path He leads me down, so I willfully go my own way.

Right into bondage.

Ah, Lord, so instead the Israelites’ rebellion and Your constant forgiveness and pursuit of relationship with them gives me hope that You also won’t give up on me!!

Thank You, Father. Thank You, Jesus. I love you.

Deliverance

2009-08-05T22:05:00.000-07:00

Journal Entry
6 August 2009

Day #6 of 40 Days of Prayer, and I’ve already managed to break my fast. It was all contemplated and justified, even prayed about, but, “I was deceived, and I ate.” I spent time repenting last night, and am today sincerely thankful for second chances. I believe He has indeed washed me clean, clothed me with white robes of righteousness, and given me a fresh start. He’s in the business of doing that, so He’s good at it. :-) Praise Him!

Jesus, this is what You did at Calvary: took the punishment for our rebellions, for MY rebellion. Had You not done that, I’d be eternally separated from you.

But at Calvary, You also beat the enemy, and I don’t have to be enslaved to sin!

Exodus 15:1,2
“I will sing to the LORD,
For He is highly exalted;
He has thrown the horse
And its rider into the sea.
The LORD is my strength
And my song;
He has become my salvation.
This is my God, and I will
Praise Him,
My Father’s God, and I will
exalt Him.
The LORD is a warrior;
Yahweh is His Name.”

Moses and the people sang this just after Pharaoh and the Egyptians died in the Red Sea. What a moment, to see destroyed those who held them in bondage for over 400 years!

Beautiful Surrender

2009-07-20T21:45:00.000-07:00

Journal Entry 21 July 21, 2009

“God wasn’t about to let such an important promise seem naturally fulfilled. Had Isaac and Rebekah conceived the first year, they would have been tremendously less attentive to spiritual purpose and divine participation. In other words, they might have missed the God-gift.” (Beth Moore, Patriarchs, p.107)

This statement encourages me as it seems the promises He’s given me are taking forever to be fulfilled.

A couple days ago I prayed, naming off the things I long for, surrendering them to Him:

“Lord, even if I never _______, _______, _______, _______, _______, I will praise You. I will live my life to bring You praise and glory. Life is all about You.”

The release then I felt inside was sweet.

Beautiful Surrender
Bringing peace in the storm
Settling fears
Quieting desires
I surrender to You, Lord
Life is all about You
By You
Through You
Back to You
I choose faith
I choose
To trust You
Faithful, Loving God
Your desire,
Not mine
Your glory,
Not my pride
I surrender
Everything I am
To You

Journal Entry 8 May 2009

2009-05-07T21:53:00.001-07:00

I feel like I have been doing jet lag with Ben — awake when he’s awake, napping when he naps. :-)

James 5:9
“Brothers, do not complain about one another, so that you will not be judged. Look! The judge stands at the door!”

Ugh. Convicted. God, please forgive me. Help me not complain about anyone—from my precious kids to the kombi drivers. I sort of lost it yesterday. I didn’t flip the dude off, but I became horribly offended and didn’t let him cut me off. I’m tempted to elaborate, but even to this the Holy Spirit says “no.”

He told me to view the difficult experiences while out in the world as opportunities to show mercy. Wow. To practice showing mercy. To not have an offended spirit while practicing showing mercy.

Praise Him!

It’s amazing how much just considering this lifts my spirit.

God, please give me wisdom. Please fill my heart with sincere love and compassion for everyone, especially for those who can be challenging for me to love.

I love asking You for stuff like this, because I know it’s in Your will! I believe You’ll do this miracle in my heart! Thanks in advance, Lord!

Oh, Happy Day!

2009-04-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

Right now it is the middle of the night. I’m awake with jet lag, having just returned to Swaziland from the States. After walking and praying for a while (Lord, please be with the missionaries! lol), I grabbed my Bible and headed to the bathroom where I can turn on the light without waking anyone. I’m loving what I read:

Zechariah 3:4
“See, I have removed your guilt from you, and I will clothe you with splendid robes.”

Context? Joshua, the high priest, was standing before the Lord with satan standing nearby to accuse him. The angel of the Lord rebuked satan. By order of the Lord, Joshua’s excrement-covered clothes were removed and replaced.

Many things about this passage that minister to my spirit.

Before satan spoke a word, he was rebuked. It’s like the angel was saying, “Ah, no, I know what you’re about to say, and the LORD ALMIGHTY says to shut up!”

Joshua was a priest—the high priest—yet his filthy clothes represented his guilt. Perhaps he did some of the things satan was about to accuse him of doing. Sometimes I feel like because I’m already a believer, I need to beat myself up when I sin because I should know better. That’s what the enemy wants me to do. Yet the Lord didn’t do that with Joshua.

The clothes were taken off, and with them the guilt was carried away. God says, “See! All better! No more stinky stains! No more guilt. Here’s a fresh start, too.”

In a few days, much of the world will pause and acknowledge Christ’s death and resurrection, an event the Lord predicted in that same chapter:

Zechariah 3:9
“I will take away the guilt of this land in a single day.”

How HUGE is that?! All of the guilt of the WHOLE WORLD—the sins of every person who has ever lived or will live—wiped away in a single day!

Any guilt we carry around now is completely unnecessary (and a deception the enemy loves) because Jesus paid the whole price. His sacrifice is sufficient. God passionately loves us, which is what drove Him to lay His life down for us. THIS is a reason to celebrate!

I love this because even as I padded into the bathroom tonight, I was dragging around with me some guilt about things I’d said and done recently that I shouldn’t have. I’m afraid I’ve hurt some people. I’d repented, but it didn’t seem to help this antagonizing guilt. Then the Lord reminded me that this guilt-load is not mine to carry. Repent? Yes! Make things right? Yes! Walk with slumped shoulders, carrying a load of guilt? NO!!!

Oh, thank You, Lord Jesus, for Your sacrifice, for loving me enough to do that. I’m so glad You love me. Oh, please help others know Your love too!

Oh, Happy Day, Happy Day!
He washed my sin away!
Oh, Happy Day, Happy Day!
I’ll never be the same;
Forever I am changed!

Powerful Enough

2009-03-09T05:18:00.000-07:00

8 March 09 Journal Entry

Nahum 1:12b-13
"Though I have afflicted you, I will afflict you no longer. For I will now break off his yoke from you and tear off your shackles."

Lord, once again You have let me encounter my own weakness. Determination alone can't get me out of the shackles of pride, self-absorption, food, skin-picking, vanity, laziness, doubt...

The ugly list could fill many pages, I'm afraid. But Jesus, this is why You came and died. Your Blood is powerful. Powerful enough to not only forgive me and wash away my guilt, making me white as snow (Hallelujah!), but also powerful enough to deliver me from the clutches of the sin so I don't have to be stuck in the rut of repeating that sin.

Still, Father, I'm fighting battles. Please deliver me!

Thank You for allowing me to encounter my weakness which helps to combat my ugly, ugly sin of pride.

I love You, Jesus. I'm so thankful that You love me despite my junk.

I trust You, Abba. Please be king of my heart, ruling all my decisions. Please change my desires to be in conformity to Your will.

Awesome God. I love that You care for me. I take security and comfort in that knowledge.

Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so

#34

2009-03-06T21:41:00.000-08:00

6 March 09 Journal Entry

Yep, I'm 34 today. Having time with the Lord outside this morning. Sun is just rising. Cool air, but I'm comfy wrapped in a big blanket.

New dawn, new year, LORD, what does the future hold? What do You have marked out? What can I give You? Is there anything today I can lay aside in order to more thoroughly be surrendered and abandoned to You?

I echo Mike Haman's pray this past Wednesday--"Lord, please remove anything I'm leaning on that is keeping me from fully relying on You!"

I heard Mike and thought, "Wow, that's a brave prayer." But I want to say that, with all sincerity!

Counting the cost...what might He eliminate? Am I ready? Lord, please make me ready! I want to be 100% dependent upon You, and nothing and no one else! Abandoned to You in every way, Abba God.

Hebrews 12:1
"Therefore since we also have such a large crowd of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us, and run with endurance the race marked out before us."

v. 2 - "Fixing our eyes on Jesus."

Lord, may I be fixed on You, heart and soul, forevermore.

I Ate It!

2009-01-24T09:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to the ‘Cup office to steal my husband. While waiting for him to break away, I noticed many people were chomping on snacks.

“Whatchyagot?” I asked.

Nondumiso held up the other half of what was in her mouth. It looked like a charred caterpillar. And, that’s about what it is. These things are called Mopani worms, and they’re a popular snack in these parts. KB brought some in to share (kinda like I like to do with cookies).

I’ve known about these worms since before I ever moved to Africa, but still after seven years of living here, I still hadn’t ventured to eat one. Until now.

Sigh.

I wouldn’t do well on Fear Factor. Jacci and Jessie coached me through it. It was like a dare, I didn’t want to let it beat me. I decided to take just one bite. I got a nice long one and Jacci got her camera out. Then I looked closely at which end to bite, the head—NOT! The tail—that’s WORSE! I dropped the thing and noisily danced in a little circle.

I said to myself, “Breathe. Self control.” I quoted aloud Philippians 4:13, only half joking, and took the worm again. Jacci said, “Just think of it as spicy beef jerky. Don’t think about what it is you’re eating.” That turned out to be the trick.

I did it. I ate a bite of Mopani worm. It’s like a thick-skinned Cheetoh with a chewy, beef jerky-tasting center. The taste actually isn’t offensive. Still, one bite was enough for me. And my stomach churned for the next couple hours (was that only psychological?).

And the last thing I thought about last night before I fell asleep was the sensation of that thing between my teeth. Nice…

Home for the Holidays

2008-12-22T21:36:00.000-08:00

I’m experiencing a phenomenon. This is the first time in seven years in Africa that I’ve not felt acutely homesick during the Christmas season. In fact, 2008 has been the first year that I’ve not felt twinges of wistfulness to be in the States nearly every Sunday.

Since I’m an MK (missionary kid), “home” has always been a relative term. I’ve lived in more than 20 different houses, so there is no specific place I think of when I hear the song, “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” Yet being here in such a vastly different place, I found myself aching to be in the States during this time of year.

But something has changed, and being a true Ohlerking, I’ve been mentally analyzing this for a few days. What is different this year? Could it be that we’ve lived here so long that we’ve acclimated, and our lives here have become our “normal”? No doubt that comes into play. I’m SURE having my mom and dad here makes a big difference, too. Yet I still miss so many other family members and loved ones.

Well, I think I’ve awakened to the pivotal difference this year:

Healing Place Church Swaziland

Ben and I pastor this campus, and we are loving it. We’re passionate for the people, eager to help them experience Christ’s love and redemption. Sundays are amazing, now, and I don’t watch the clock, thinking about HPC in Baton Rouge, noting when their services are going on and yearning to be there. We do pray for everyone and the services there, but again, it’s with contented hearts.

Our hearts are here, now. No matter where I am in the world, I’m missing loved ones, so geography can’t help me on that one. Heaven truly is our ultimate home. Until we reach there, I’ll never be fully settled. But suddenly, thank You, Jesus, and thank you, HPC, my earthly home is here. And this year, whenever I hear the song, “I’ll Be Home for Christmas,” I’m delighted to realize that I am home!

To Trust You

2008-11-06T00:56:00.000-08:00

Lord, I don’t understand
What is in Your plan
This is from Your hand
God, help me to trust You

Unexpected wave comes
Where did that come from?
Grieving has begun
God, please help me to trust You

Your purpose no one can oppose
Lord, nobody knows
The plans you skillfully compose
God, Oh, how I need to trust You

Back to square one again
It’s in You all life begins
And You know how it all ends
God, I know I can trust You

I surrender my will once more
Picking my broken heart off the floor
Giving it to You like before
God, I choose to trust You

Glorious Grace

2008-10-17T22:15:00.000-07:00

“You are treasured by God.” Daniel 9:24

When I read those words the other day, I felt a huge longing in my spirit to be favored by God. I also was acutely aware of my unworthiness, though, so I felt a little sad. Yet I managed to be hopeful on account of this marvelous thing called grace.

Today Beth Moore in my Daniel Bible study workbook says this:

“God sent those words (Daniel 9:24) through Gabriel to His servant Daniel centuries ago. He’s sending them now to you, for Christ made us ‘accepted in the beloved’ (Ephesians 1:6, KJV). Receive them, greatly loved one!”

Wow. What joy fills my heart as the truth of those words sinks in!

Yes, Lord, I, with arms stretched wide for a celestial hug, receive Your love!

“He predestined us to be adopted through Jesus Christ for Himself, according to His favor and will, to the praise of His glorious grace that He favored us within the Beloved” (Ephesians 1:5-6, HCS).

It is all because of Jesus. Not only is my debt paid and sins wiped away, but also I’m clothed with His righteousness and inundated by grace. Most of all, I’m treasured, favored, and highly loved by God! Yay! What a great deal!

This package is available to you, too! He doesn’t want anyone to miss out (see Ezekiel 18:32). All it takes is totally surrendering to Jesus. Oh, go ahead and dive in to His huge love and glorious grace. It will be the ride of your life!

My Kids

2008-10-03T13:38:00.000-07:00

I just love these three beautiful people here. I'm so blessed to be their mom. God is so good!

Our Little Friend

2008-09-15T02:44:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I posted a few pictures of my kids visiting our sick little friend in the hospital.

This is her picture now.

See how much she has filled out? And her huge smile? For a while there, we really didn't know if she would survive. Now she is thriving, back at her home, an orphanage not too far from our house.

We often like to go visit our friend and her "family" there. The children always wave enthusiastically when we drive past. We beep and wave back.

A few days ago we were there. At the prompting of her housemom, she quoted Psalm 23. She smiled the whole time, sheepishly moving her foot in circles on the floor. When she got to the words, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For You are with me," my eyes teared up. She HAS walked through that valley, and the Lord has proven Himself faithful to her. You can see it on her face.

Thank You, Jesus, for touching our little friend!

ALIVE

2008-08-22T22:53:00.000-07:00

Romans 8:10,11
“Now if christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the spirit is life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of Him Who raised Christ from the dead lives in you, then He Who raised Christ from the dead will also bring your mortal bodies to life through His Spirit Who lives in You.”

Galatians 5:25
“Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.”
Been out of step lately. Trying to be led By His Spirit and be obedient, but my will has seemed to rule my decisions. My thoughts have been on things of this world rather than being obsessed with Jesus.

But lately, especially yesterday, the Lord has been revealing to me His love. As I take baby steps toward understanding, His love, like warm sunshine, fills my spirit and makes me alive. I am eager for time with Him. I long to hear His voice. Even if His leading takes me down a path of self-denial, I’m less likely to resist as I keep in mind His HUGE love for me. All His decisions and directions are for good--for me and everyone else, too! Bad happens when I decide that I know BETTER (back to Eden!), and that God is sort of holding out on me.

Ah, Lord, please help me remember that every good and perfect gift comes from You. There is no good outside of You.

You ARE LOVE. Wash over me with Your love, I beg; change me, my thought processes, everything!

Song we’re doing Sunday:

All You are is all I want always
Draw me close in Your arms, Oh God
I wanna be with You
I wanna be with You

Your deliverance comes with the revelation knowledge of Your love, the truth, about Your love.

“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Free from sin because its deception has been exposed. I really won’t be happier doing things outside of His will.

It’s like a light bulb getting brighter.

Lord, consume me, please! Be my “magnificent obsession.” When I’m dead to sin and alive in Christ, I truly am ALIVE!

Faith Boost

2008-08-14T06:41:00.001-07:00

In my last post I shared about my friend who was very sick. Well, this past Monday she came to me, and I was floored by how healthy she was. No TB in her lungs (per an x-ray). No need for ARVs. No more sores in her mouth. She was feeling strong, and her face was beaming. I couldn’t believe it! We stopped and prayed together, thanking God for helping her back to health so quickly.

Then that same day, Ben and I visited an orphanage in Bulembu (a city in remote Swaziland) run by two amazing people, Gerry and Robyn Richter (www.abcministry.org.za) who have committed their lives to caring for orphans. I met several children whom God has miraculously healed. Several doctors have just shaken their heads in awe. One little boy is completely healed of AIDs, having no more need for ARVs or any medication whatsoever.

Now isn’t that cool timing for us to witness such a phenomenon on the heels of my plea for the Lord to help my unbelief? My faith is certainly boosted.

God is so good. Really, really, really good. He does hear our prayers. Gerry and Robyn are living in the midst of so many answered prayers every day. What an exciting way to do life!!

Lord, please bless them. And thank You for this faith boost! May everyone who reads this news also experience a swell of faith inside their hearts. You do awesome things, Father. We praise You for all You’ve done!

Healing

2008-08-05T12:10:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday I took a sick friend to our family doctor. Conclusion? She is HIV+, has pneumonia, and most likely has TB “underneath all this pneumonia.” Ugh. The Lord had been preparing me for this, yet still when the official news came, it was not easy to hear.

He did an instant HIV test. Reminded me of a pregnancy test in how it looked. But pregnancy tests check for new life; this test checks for a killer inside. And AIDS has done its work in Swaziland, wiping out as much as 1/3 of its population in the past four years.

When the doctor let us know the test results, my friend simply stared at the wall. It reminded me very much of a scene from the movie “Yesterday” (a must-see movie!). No emotion was evident on her face, yet surely there was so much going on underneath. I went over, sat next to her on the examination table, and put my arms around her.

She has eight children, the youngest of which is three years old. Husband is dead. My eyes burn with tears as I type this. So much suffering! UGH! This is NOT the way God meant for our world to be when He created it.

When I consider the pandemic of AIDS that is leaving so many orphans, I struggle with feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. Perhaps reading this is making YOU feel that way. Please read on. It does get better!

You see, God is in the redeeming business. He is all about bringing healing. The Bible, from cover to cover, shouts the message of His huge love and desire to buy us back from the enemy’s grasp. He is our Healer, and He is Mighty to save.

So many times healing is a simple act of faith away--choosing to believe that the God Who created the Universe can heal us. Of course He can. And we ask for Him to do so.

I talked with the Lord about this last Friday, the first day of our 40 Days of Prayer. “Lord, I know You can do anything. ANYTHING. I’ve just seen so much death, and I’m not sure why You’re allowing it. Please will You help me know what to pray for, what to believe for?”

He so loudly yet simply voiced in my spirit, “Healing.”

Yes, He is the God that heals. He is ALWAYS in the healing business. Healing may look different in each situation, but His objective is ALWAYS healing. Do we believe Him for it?

I share sentiments with the man in Mark 9:24 who said, “Lord, I believe! Help me overcome my unbelief!”

Lord, please show up and do Your thing. Please HEAL Africa. Help us believe You for it!

“Jesus said, “‘Everything is possible for him who believes.’” Mark 9:23

Picture Time!

2008-05-04T13:21:00.000-07:00

Take another peek into our lives here.

This first pic is of Isaac and Carol Williams with our three kids (Kayla, Levi, and Trinity) in our kitchen. It was Vanentine's Day, and it was a wonderful bonus to have them pop in from Mozambique! We love these two so much!

The kids and I took Joelle Rehmeyer with us to visit Sandra and a very sick little girl in the hospital. We took her a present and played with her for a while.

Kayla is being her normal friendly self, hangin' with our friend.

Levi and Trinity are helping her wave "go" for Joelle and Kayla who were foot racing on the sidewalk below. Watching the kids run made her smile.

One more pic...a cobra skin was found on our property the other day. The good news is that snakes shed their skins in places where they don't normally live. I, once again, go back to, "Lord, I trust You. Please protect us all!" Levi, of course, just thinks it's cool.

I hope to stick more pictures up again soon. There is so much exciting stuff going on!

Love to you!!

Finished!

2008-03-22T23:42:00.000-07:00

Soon after we moved to Zimbabwe back in 2001, food shortages became common (they are even more predominant now). A missionary friend who moved there about the same time as us said, “I’ve learned one thing here: ‘Finished, Madam.’” That is what the shop employees said to us whenever we asked if they had a certain item. “Oh, sorry, Madam. Finished!”

I remember walking down long aisles that once had been stacked high with flour, oil, and mealie meal. The shelves were empty. Everything was Finished.

Just before Jesus died, He said the same thing. “It is Finished!” (John 19:30)

What was finished? The debt to be paid. The ransom price to buy us from hell. The thing that stood between us and the ability to have fellowship with God—Finished!

So I walk the aisles of my past. The sin that once filled the shelves—evidence of my rebellion and proof of my guilt: GONE! Why? Because Jesus said so! He paid the price I should have paid. I deserve hell. I deserve to suffer the horrific death He did. But because He loves me so much, He took my place. He cancelled my debt.

Psalm 103:12
“As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.”

Wow, Jesus. Thank You. Thank You! THANK YOU!!!

Isaiah 1:18
“‘Come, let us discuss this,’ says the LORD.
‘Though your sins are like scarlet,
they will be as white as snow;
though they are as red as crimson,
they will be like wool.”

This is a gift from God. We can’t do anything to add to it. We just receive His forgiveness. And our sins will be Finished, the debt cancelled, and the way for us to be in fellowship with Him will be wide open. Oh, if you’ve not received this gift, please open your heart right now and say “YES” to the One Who loves you enough to die for you!

Hands On

2008-03-12T00:27:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 18:6
“‘House of Israel, can I not treat you as this potter treats his clay?’—this is the Lord’s declaration—‘Just like clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in My hand, house of Israel.’”

Do you ever have times when you read the Bible and passages nearly jump off the page at you? It’s like the Lord is speaking them to you for the first time although you may have read those same words a dozen times before.

I love it when that happens, even if, like today, He’s letting me know some painful stuff is on the horizon. I’ve never known a refining process to be comfortable, but I’m always thankful for the “harvest of righteousness and peace” when it’s over.

v. 4,5 “But the jar that he was making from the clay became flawed in the potter’s hand, so he made it into another jar, as it seemed right for him to do. The word of the Lord came to me: “House of Israel, can I not treat you as this potter treats his clay?’”

I can envision the Lord squishing me, removing hard chunks, molding me. OUCH! Yet something about it comforts me so much. His hands are on me the whole time. He’s lovingly eliminating the things that inhibit me from a closer relationship with Him. Those things being purged are what stand between us. They also clog His flow of love through me to others. I’m glad to get rid of that stuff!

Psalm 139:5,6
“You have encircled me.
You have placed Your hand on me.
This extraordinary knowledge is beyond me.
It is lofty; I am unable to reach it.”

So here is my heart's plea:

Lord, please give me a willing spirit, yielded and unresistant to Your working in my life. Help me obey. Disintegrate all the pride, all the self-will, and all the junk that keeps me from living 100% surrendered to You. My life is not about me. It’s about YOU, loving YOU and extending Your love to others. There’s no other way I want to live.

Psalm 139:23,24
“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Test me and know my concerns.
See if there is any offensive way in me;
Lead me in the everlasting way.”

I believe Your Word, Lord. You won’t let go of me no matter what (v.10), and I take comfort in that. Hold onto me. Hold me. Never let me go. Keep Your hands on me as You mold me into the vessel You want me to be.

Power Available

2008-02-23T14:06:00.000-08:00

I’m being vulnerable again…

23 February 08 Journal Entry

A stirring deep within me
Is coming to a boil
Wanting more of Jesus
Lord, anoint us with fresh oil!

The power of Your Spirit
That came in Acts chapter 2
Is available to us today
Deep in me I know it’s true!

Power for Your Kingdom
For Your glory, for Your fame
Winning the lost to Jesus
By the power of Your Name

Ah, this stirring in me
It needs a place to flow!
Newfound passion to seek you
Lord, it’s You I want to know!

Tired of mediocrity
And distractions from Your TRUTH
Lord, please give us REALITY
May we be living PROOF!

Proof that YOU ARE GOD
The Universe Creator
Proof that YOU ARE LOVE
Mighty Soul Savior

Awesome God, I crave You
Like I never have before
Please give me a heart to know You
Of ALL of me be LORD!

Please forgive me for selfish living
--Ugh, this nasty pride!--
I lay me again on Your altar
In Your shadow I will hide

Bless us with pure motives,
Clear vision, determined purpose.
Clothe us with humility
And let Your love consume us!

Lord, it’s all for Your glory
What a wonderful calling!
By Your power and Your grace
We’ll obey Your every prompting

Do Your thing, please, Lord
Show up strong today
Advance Your kingdom greatly
So many will be saved!

“The book of Acts provides a condensed history of the early church, an eyewitness account of the miraculous spread of the Gospel from Jerusalem to Rome. The book details how the Holy Spirit authorized our spiritual forebears to carry out Jesus’ mandate to be His witnesses throughout the world. THAT SAME POWER IS AVAILABLE TO US. God has not left us at the mercy of our weaknesses; He has sent the Holy Spirit to help us follow their example (see Ephesians 5:17,18) and to be Jesus’ witnesses in all of the earth.” -Introduction to Acts in the Parallel Study Bible

Yikes!

2008-01-31T22:07:00.000-08:00

This morning I wanted to read on and meditate some more upon the Gideon story (see previous post), and have found myself disturbed all day about the final outcome. The story isn’t new to me, but today it is hitting me hard as if I just saw it on CNN.

Perhaps because it does happen in current times, just as it did in Bible days. What is it that happens? COMPROMISE.

Gideon was weak, but obedient. God showed up and did the supernatural through Gideon, just as He said He would. Weak man becomes a hero. BUT THEN…that ugly word…compromise.

Gideon made an ephod with gold donated by the people, and “Then all Israel prostituted themselves with it there, and it became a snare to Gideon and his household.” (Judges 8:27)

How many stories like this are in the Bible? Uzziah was “marvelously helped until he became strong.” (2 Chronicles 26:15) Then he got stuck on himself and made some terrible decisions. King David went from shepherd boy to giant-conqueror to king of all Israel, but then he compromised. You know what that led to!

UGH! I have been pondering this off and on all day today. On the heels of my balking I find myself begging God, “Please oh please AFTER You have done Your thing, may we remain true to You. I don’t want to compromise. I don’t want us to get all full of pride and think it was us doing the supernatural. It is all by You, for You, unto You. Dear God help us stay pure!!! If King David could fall, surely I am not exempt from teetering as well!”

I pray that this truth sticks with me, with all of us, as we step out in faith and believe God to do His thing. And now, at the end of this day, I am choosing to trust the Lord with this one too. I trust Him to preserve us, and with His shepherd’s staff, yank us back on course if we wander off.

I trust You, Father. I trust You. Hold my hand tight, I pray. Keep us on course. I trust You.

Overwhelmed and Underqualified

2008-01-30T21:10:00.000-08:00

"Overwhelmed and Unqualified"

That is the title of the sermon I heard at HPC (Healing Place Church) a few hours ago. Mike Haman gave the message, and it has inspired me so much that I’ve decided to blog about it right now before I miss the moment and end up never sharing this with you. The following are some of the things he said:

God calls us to live an inspirational life, but sometimes we are HELD BACK by our feelings of inadequacy.

The enemy loves to destroy our confidence when we aspire to go the second mile.

In Judges 6:12-16 the angel called Gideon a “Mighty Hero” even as Gideon was hiding in a winepress! God sees beyond our weaknesses.

v.14 “Go in the strength you have.”

Go in the strength you have, and God will give you the strength you need. You don’t have to wait for everything to be perfect before you launch out.

Insecurity looks at circumstances. Confidence looks at God.

God always disturbs the comfortable.

TRY. Know that even if you fail, God is still applauding.

Quit telling God everything you’re not. (v. 15)

Be yourself and trust God to be Himself to you. There’s no room for God’s power in your life if you have no weakness.

Make a career out of being inadequate. You can be inadequate, but you’d better not be disobedient.

Trust God beyond your insecurities. Take God at His Word and believe He will supply what you lack.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT)
“Each time He said, ‘My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may work through me.”

The timing of this message is perfect for Ben and me as we deal with feeling inadequate to do all the things the Lord is asking of us. I keep saying, “Lord, this is Your deal. Please come and do Your thing, or we’ll fail miserably!” And I, with great excitement and anticipation (and trembling), know He will show up as we step out in faith and obey what He’s telling us to do.

It’s true for you, too! What is it He’s asking you to do? Feel inadequate? GOOD! That means you’ve a great opportunity to allow God show up and do the supernatural in and through your life.

Mike’s definition of the word supernatural: God’s super added to your natural.

By the way, Mike’s book The Second Mile, has just come out. It’s totally worth reading. You can order it by clicking on the word RESOURCES on the HPC website: http://healingplacechurch.org.

Gushing to God

2008-01-16T04:43:00.000-08:00

“I told you about my life, and you listened to me.” Psalm 119:26

The other night I was still awake after everyone was asleep. I was sad about a few things, and really wanted someone to gush to. I said, “Lord, I know You know everything already and how I feel about it all. But can I just unload anyway?” Of course He welcomed that.

I told Him about how sad I was about Sthembiso dying. She was a cook at Murray Camp, the CarePoint where I have had the privilege of teaching Bible studies. She was always so kind, welcoming, and went the extra mile to help serve. I said, “Lord, why did the sweetie of the group have to die?” And He gently replied, “Why not take her to be with Me first?”

That reply really comforted me. Of course, she has gone from a really difficult life to HEAVEN--definitely the better end of the deal. Yes, why not let her go there first?

“I am weary from grief; strengthen me though Your Word.” Psalm 119:28

That night I was also pretty raw from having said good-bye to many loved ones, not knowing when I would see them again. During the last stretch of time since I’d been in Iowa, both of my grandparents and three of my uncles had passed away. Tough stuff.

I turned to the Bible and read about the disciples’ Passover meal with Jesus. He had just told them He was going to be betrayed, flogged, and killed. (At least none of my relatives told me something like that!) Luke 22:45 describes how the disciples were “exhausted from grief” after that. But before they left the room, they sang a few songs. The footnote in my Bible led me to Psalm 113-118, the psalms traditionally sang during and after the Passover meal.

So I went there, and found myself gaining hope and strength as I read about the greatness of God, His faithfulness to us, and exhortation to praise Him from the rising of the sun to its setting. Yes, strengthened through the Word, through focusing on Him and His goodness, through praising Him, our loving Lord.

Only after I read all this that night did I “happen” on Psalm 119:26, “I told You about my life, and You listened to me.”

Can I encourage you to do the same? Tell Him about your stuff and listen for a reply. Read the Bible. He will speak to you and comfort you, for He loves you so much.

Thanks, Lord, for listening. You’re a good One to gush to.

I Love America

2007-12-31T11:30:00.000-08:00

I love America.

Every time we drive past a star-spangled banner, my heart surges with joy to be here. What a privilege to be born a United States citizen!

Sometimes I think to myself, “Oh, I could so live here again.” But then every time we tell others about the work in Africa, every time we show pictures or a video, I am reminded of another passion in me:

I love Africa.

Being called as a child, I have always known I’d live overseas and help minister Jesus’ love to children. I see the precious little African faces and emotion surges in me again, and I’m drawn like a magnet to be there.

So what to do? On both sides of the world are friends and family I love and ache to be with. If the choice were left only to my preference, I’d have a true dilemma of where to live. But this is what drives my decision:

I love my Jesus.

He has filled me with His huge love and forgiveness, and He has asked me to go. He gave His life for me; can I give Him anything less?

One day we’ll all be together in heaven, no ocean separating us from loved ones. Until then, we live each day on purpose with Christ in our focus and His love fueling our passion to reach the lost, wherever He may lead us. And we savor each moment we have wherever we are, for we know it is all temporary.

So, for a few more weeks I will with gratitude bask in the wonderfulness of being in the land of the free...

I love America.

Comforter

2007-11-13T05:40:00.000-08:00

Journal Entry
November 12

Today is the first in over a week for me to get up this early. Last night I asked the Lord to wake me this morning. He did, and I started to go back to sleep, but the signal in my spirit became clear.

Lord, I trust You. Please forgive me for being so wrapped up in comfort. My focus on You has become dull...please make things right. Help me to NOT have self-comfort be such a huge deal.

Just now I was walking and praying. I got chilly so I wrapped a comforter around me: big, fluffly, soft, and warm. Ahh... Only then I could hardly walk. And the Holy Spirit used this to show me how my OVERfocus on comfort (self-pleasure, etc.) actually slows me down in my walk with God. I trip and can't lift my hands in worship and surrender because I'm too busy clinging to my source of comfort.

I need to not be afraid of being tired, lonely, hungry, unaccepted, cold, thirsty, dirty, out of style, denying fleshy cravings (like sugar).

Lord, please forgive me for living for pleasure. Please help me to live for You and You alone. Your agenda, Your desires, Your glory. Hallelujah!

Thank You for Your strength and Your deliverance. Thank You for Your huge love and FORGIVENESS, for the horrible price You paid, and for the pain You endured on my behalf--THANK YOU!!

You, Holy Spirit, are the best Comforter of all! (John 14:26)

Welcome Home

2007-11-02T08:43:00.000-07:00

This pic is of the kids the day before we headed back to the USA. Can you see their excitement?

On October 22, we boarded a plane in Johannesburg, and 20 hours later our feet touched American soil. Everything on the flight went really well, thank You, Lord! The kids were great.

When we were approved to pass through immigration, the man behind the desk said, "Welcome Home." I glanced at Ben as we were walking on, and his eyes were teary--just like mine. It is curious how much emotion those simple words evoke.

It makes me think about what it will be like when we cross the border into heaven, our true home. Will an angel stand there and say, "Welcome Home"? Will we be overwhelmed with emotion at that moment, too?

I couldn't hold back the tears at all when I finally saw my brother Danny two days later and was able to hug him. How much more emotion will we feel when we get to hug Jesus?

Really, anyplace on earth is temporary. Paul said that (Hebrews 11). We're just temporary residents on earth until we reach a better land--a heavenly one. And until that wonderful day, we'll continue to tell as many people as we can that they, too, can ask Jesus into their hearts and join us in this journey.

Are you on this road to heaven? If not, the Lord Jesus is right now knocking on the door to your heart, beckoning you to receive Him and accept His forgiveness. He's so wonderful; you won't regret it!

Handin' Off My Baby

2007-10-12T12:19:00.000-07:00

I’m now doing what my husband often does: posting more than one blog all in one sitting. What can I say? He’s rubbed off on me.

For several months I’ve been leading a Bible study with the teachers, cooks, and volunteers at Murray Camp (one of our CarePoints). When I was first asked to do this, I felt pretty inadequate. Have you ever felt this way? It seems God delights in asking us to do things that are bigger than our own abilities so we are utterly dependent upon His grace—and thus quick to point the glory to Jesus Christ when things do go well. (2 Corinthians 3:4,5)

Despite the language barrier, God has come and ministered to all of our hearts in our little meetings. Roger (on the left in the picture) plays the guitar as well as interprets for me. He brings the tea; I bring the cake or cookies. We all sing, share needs, pray, and dig into the Word together. I can say I sincerely love these people.

This last Thursday I arrived a little earlier than Roger, so I sat with the cooks and teachers while they were having their lunch. They gave me a bowl of pap (similar to grits—a staple in this country) and beans, both cooked in big black cauldrons over a fire. They gave me a spoon, but I opted to eat it the “proper” Swazi way: with my fingers. They said you enjoy it better if you eat it with your fingers. (I asked if it was because of that extra stuff under our fingernails, but they didn’t understand my joke.)

Well, last week I handed this special ministry over to Jacci, our newest ‘Cup Missionary family member (on the right in the group picture). I’ve known her for a couple years, and she’s such an encourager. She really loves people, and she has a passion to disciple ladies here. I know I’m giving my “baby” into hands that are more than adequate. This is the Lord’s baby, anyway—not mine.

Thank You, Lord, for Jacci. Thank you for the encouragement she has been to me, and for the ways I’m sure You’ll continue to minister through her to countless people here in Swaziland. It’s an honor to have her on our team. Please bless her with strength and fill her with your huge, powerful love. All for Your glory, Father. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

This last pic is of Jacci and me on a recent 'Cup missionary game night. I'll have to tell about that night another time...

Wish Ya Could've Been There!

2007-10-12T12:14:00.000-07:00

The getaway we missionary ladies had was fantastic. We did a lot of laughing, learning, worshipping, eating (especially chocolate, of course), bonding, encouraging, and leaving blessed and refreshed.

One missionary lady here said, “It’s been weeks since I’ve had a song in my heart. This morning, I realize the Lord has restored my song.”

There were 31 of us, representing several different organizations and denominations and home countries. What a wonderfully diverse group! All of us have a common thread: we love Jesus, and we have a passion to see Swaziland reached with His love.

Thank you for all your prayers and encouraging words. We couldn’t be here doing this if it weren’t for you! It’s the Body of Christ in action. Wish you could've been there with us!

Missionary Ladies’ Retreat

2007-10-04T21:29:00.000-07:00

It is 6 a.m. (in the morning) right now. In a few hours I’ll be joining about 30 ladies—all missionaries to Swaziland—in attending a weekend retreat. We’ll be doing a Bible study geared for such a retreat. We are all looking forward to this time away with the Lord and with each other.

Could I bother you to please pray for us? That our hearts will be open to hear all the Lord wants to speak to us, that we’ll be surrendered to whatever He asks? Please will you pray that each lady will feel refreshed and that laughter will spill through the doors as well?

We are all real people learning, just like every other believer, how to follow the Lord more closely each day. Sometimes missionaries are mistakenly tagged “Super Christian.” I meet with many of these ladies every Wednesday. We share prayer requests and pray together. We study the Word and discuss things that we don't understand. We face battles with our self-will, with trusting the Lord, with insecurities, with fear, with worry (seems to be my issue particularly of late). As much as each of us is sincere in our pursuit of God, none of us has reached perfection. Thus, we all roll our eyes and moan about this misplaced label.

I said that to simply underline my heartfelt plea: “Please pray for us!”

We thank you for your prayers, and we pray for you back in the US as well. We’re one big family, just journeying this life on earth until we all reach our true home: Heaven.

I'm posting a picture taken last year of our ladies' Bible study group. It has now grown significantly, and three of the gals in this picture are currently in the States, raising support. (We miss you terribly!) Any picture I post will be incomplete as our group is always growing.

New Day

2007-09-09T22:05:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 48:10
“Look, I have refined you,
but not as silver;
I have tested you in the
furnace of affliction.”

Today is a new day. Today I look back and say these words to my Heavenly Father:

“Thank You, Father, for the trials. Thank you for holding me through it all. And thank You for delivering me from so much junk while I was in that furnace. Thank You that You are still with me, still working on me faithfully until the day I see You face to face.

“Wow, how I hated those trials, Lord. A lot of it was from my own poor choices and the natural consequences. Yet You allowed it and used it for my good and for the good of Your kingdom. And now that the chains around my heart and around my mind are clinking to my feet, all I can do is thank You over and over!

“Please help me never go back to the bondages. Please may my life be all about YOU and not all about me. I love You, Lord. I love You.”

Through the Flood

2007-08-07T22:16:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 43:1b,2a
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name; you are mine.
I will be with you when you pass through the waters,
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not overwhelm you.”

Do I battle fears? Yep.

Yesterday, at first, I had niggling fears and dreading thoughts. The scripture, “Why so downcast, O my soul? Put your hope in God,” came to mind. I began to steadily set aside fearing thoughts and choose to trust the Lord instead. The gray cloud over me lifted. (Thank You, Lord!)

I read the above verses last night before I went to bed. I also read these:

v.4 “Because you are precious in My sight, and honored, and I love you…”
v.5 “Do not fear, for I am with you.”

He will sustain me through this. He paid a high price for me. I am His. When floodwaters surround me, He will sustain me.

I dreamed last night that I was giving (a much younger) Trinity a bath. She was laying back as the tub filled. When the water rose to her cheeks, I put my hand under her head to help her stay afloat. Some water splashed on her face and went up her nose. She blinded and squirmed a little, but remained calm because she trusted me. I was steadying her, and she knew she was going to be alright. She didn’t worry, but just laid back and enjoyed her warm bath.

Then I woke up, well rested.

So now, I can do the same. I know the Lord gave me that dream. I know (with my head, anyway) that He loves me more than I love Trinity. I can trust Him to be with me and to steady me when I am feeling floodwaters surge around me.

Lord, I trust You. Thank You for loving me, and for promising to be with me, whatever I go through.

Unbelief

2007-07-23T21:58:00.000-07:00

Journal Entry
24 July 2007

In recent days I’ve been guilty of unbelief. The Lord, one morning, brought Luke 1 to my attention, the next morning another verse. I want to document them here now to help etch them in my memory.

Luke 1:20b
“You did not believe my words, which will be fulfilled in their proper time.”

Sometimes, when I ache as I wait for healing, I begin to doubt that it will happen any time soon. I feel hopeless. But God’s words are true, and His timing is always perfect. Jesus, help my unbelief.

Hebrews 3:12
“Watch out, brothers, so that there won’t be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart.”

Doubt is evil. (ouch!)
v. 13 – Sin is deceptive. If we are thus deceived, our hearts become hard. So we need to encourage each other.

When I doubt God’s promise, it is sin. It is self-destructive. It can make my heart hard. Jesus, help me to not doubt You, but to TRUST, OBEY, and to WAIT for the fulfillment of Your promises with patience.

Hebrews 3:14
“For we have become companions of the Messiah if we hold firmly until the end the REALITY of that we had at the start.”

Mark 9:23
“All things are possible to him who believes.”

Lord, I believe. I’ll hang on tightly to the truth of Your Word. You are faithful. You are faithful. Your Words are true. And You are faithful.

Mommy Sick Day

2007-07-07T00:53:00.000-07:00

Are mommies allotted sick days?

All day Thursday my head and my stomach hurt, but I pushed myself to keep going. After the kids and I spent Thursday afternoon at Murray Camp (one of our CarePoints), I tried to make supper. Halfway into it, though, I went to Ben and said, "I need you! I need to lay down!" I then flopped into bed in my clothes (which were filthy from being at the CarePoint--I didn't care), and tried to lay as still as possible. My body ached all over, and I finally succomed to the flu.

Ben at that moment took on my role and his. He's a good hubby and daddy. After feeding them eggs for breakfast Friday morning, he took all three kids with him to the office. Despite my discomfort, I was smiling when he left because I knew that what he was taking on was no small task. He then jokingly threatened to leave me alone all day (which he knows would depress me).

But they survived! Trinity found some scissors at the office and did a "craft" with a bank statement, but other than that everything went okay. They also went to the grocery store. Ben made supper for them that night: Nachos. What a guy!

So, today I'm at least able to sit and check my email. (Sorry for neglecting it so much lately.) I'm so thankful I don't get sick very often!

I'm also thankful for my man, for my kids, and for the way they banded together while I was out of commission. Thanks, Lord, for the "sick day"!

Life Training

2007-06-15T20:02:00.000-07:00

I have three friends with children in potty training. Our ladies’ Bible study group noisily cheered with them when their kids went #2 on the potty for the first time. It’s a really big deal. If you’re a mom, you know what I mean!

Yet again, the Lord is teaching me something through my kids. I love it.

I told my friends yesterday, “It just takes time. Plan on it taking 6 months, and don’t get discouraged. Be consistent. They’ll get it eventually.”

The Lord now is using this to encourage me regarding habits I’d like to break! Unnecessary gazes in the mirror, picking my skin, being quickly offended, being deliberately “dull” to the Holy Spirit when He begins to lead me in a direction I don’t want to go, etc… (The complete list would fill a gigabyte.)

But just as my friends’ kids are in potty training, I’m in “Life Training.” We ALL are! When I goof up and “mess my pants” for the 6^th time in a day, God patiently cleans me up and says, “Let’s have another go at it, now.”

He knows I want to please Him. I don’t want to be mastered by anything but Him. But LIFE Training takes time, just like potty training. I want to kick the bad habits immediately, but He knows I won’t do that.

The great news is He doesn’t love me any less simply because I mess up! I didn’t love my kids any less when they wet their pants for the 100^th time. They weren’t disqualified as my children, either.

And we’re not disqualified as children of God when we mess up. His love for us isn’t diminished. His approval of us is based on His perfect Son’s blood covering us. So we trade in our filthy rags and receive the robe of righteousness. We stand confident in His presence because of His gift of forgiveness and righteousness. We are His kids, and He loves us regardless of our performance.

So, today, if I mess up again, I’ll choose to remember about potty training instead of letting myself feel all condemned about my failures in LIFE Training.

Thanks, Lord. I needed to hear this!

20 May 07 Journal Entry

2007-05-19T23:34:00.000-07:00

Numbers 20:12 (On the heels of Moses striking the rock instead of speaking to it.)
“Because you did not trust in Me enough to honor Me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.”

Stakes are high. The slightest bit of disobedience has such dramatic consequences.

Moses mistake? Unbelief
Uzziah’s mistake? PRIDE
David’s mistake? Lust
Solomon? Idolatry

Lust of the eyes
Lust of the flesh
Pride of life

Nobody is exempt from temptation. No one is too strong to not fall. We are sustained only by grace. I see now more than ever how critical it is to STAY ON MY FACE before God and diligently be alert to the Holy Spirit, especially now that I’m really sold out to knowing Him and carrying out His will.

satan doesn’t like that. I realize he targets people who are doing damage to his empire. I’m not afraid of him. I’m certainly aware of the fact that without Jesus I’m hopeless to stand against him. BUT greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. The battle is the Lord’s.

My greatest enemy: MYSELF. My flesh. Oh God, purge the pride and lust and all other sin from my heart. Make me clean before You! Sustain me, I beg, when I’m faced with temptation!

Pressed But Not Crushed

2007-05-12T13:08:00.000-07:00

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:8,9

Two nights ago Ben awoke from a dead sleep with horrific chest pain. He said it felt like someone had hit him with his fist (right around his sternum), and the muscles were squeezing around the area. It wasn’t long before he was on the floor, pale, clammy, and violently shaking. “Call the doctor,” he whispered to me.

What a scary moment. I had already called Teresa, who was on her way. I got a hold of the doctor, and he said to take Ben to the hospital. So when Teresa got here, we hurried into her car. (Joyce stayed with the kids who were already asleep.)

We were praying constantly as Teresa sped down the road. Ben finally cried out, “God, please help me! Please stop this pain!” We arrived at the hospital about 2 minutes later. We hurried in the door and sat Ben on a chair.

Suddenly his pain stopped.

Still, I was rushing, trying to find a someone—anyone—to help us. I finally hunted down a nurse, who said, “I will find someone,” after I told her I was afraid my husband was having a heart attack. I actually never saw her again. Teresa found someone to get Ben some attention. Still, no one was in a hurry. (The apathy of the staff was about to give ME a heart attack!)

Long and short: his pain left and has not returned since. All the test results show nothing irregular. The next day the doctor concluded Ben’s chest pain must have been a result of the injection he had received to treat some inflammation in his foot. The foot pain was alleviated, but one of the “one in a million” side effects is chest pain.

Yesterday, before we had learned the test results, I had resolved to trust the Lord. I clung to verses in Psalm 55 (particularly 16-18 and 22), writing them into my journal and also onto a paper for Ben. The last verse is, “But as for me, I trust in You.” I left my morning quiet time with that resolve, but it wasn’t long before I was beginning to lose my cool. I became quite short with the kids, and I cried whenever I tried to tell someone about what was going on.

I realize that’s normal for anyone to get like that. What ISN’T normal is the peace we all have had, starting yesterday afternoon and carrying on all throughout today. I’ve told Ben I KNOW people are praying, and I KNOW God is answering their prayers. There is no other explanation. The peace is nearly tangible.

So, I thank you for your prayers. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Of all the support we need—people, finances, wisdom, etc.—we most of all need your prayers. It really does make a difference. Again, I say, thank you!

And I thank our Heavenly Father, who truly is sustaining us. His Word is true! The Lord, in His awesome way, is already working good of this, and I sit in anticipation of what He’ll do next. "Pressed, but not crushed." God keeps stepping in, and He brings glory to Himself every time. Oh, that every trial we experience will shine light on His awesome love and huge power! It makes it worth the suffering, to see Jesus magnified in each situation.

HUNGRY

2007-04-24T07:57:00.000-07:00

Recently we Rodgers were piled in our car with Charles and Kristen, stopped at a filling station. The attendant recognized Charles and said, “Have you been to church? I am hungry.” At first we figured he was meaning, “If you are Christians, you’ll give me something to eat.” But we quickly learned that he meant he was hungry for the Bread of Life.

He quoted the scripture that Charles had given him the last time they’d spoken. He wanted to hear more.

“I am hungry.”

Those words have stuck with me. He was hungry for God.

Matthew 5:6
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, because they will be filled.”

I heard John Bevere say in a Drawing Near DVD, “The amount of the world in us determines our hunger toward God.”

Oooh. Jesus, I want to hunger for You. Please help me to not allow my life to get so full that I don’t pursue You. I realize even “good things” can take Your place in my heart if I’m not careful.

Interestingly, just before I drafted this blog (which has been brewing in me for several days), I read Mom’s blog about appetites. Help us hear what You’re trying to tell us, Lord.

Help us to be hungry for YOU.

Rainbow

2007-03-27T08:33:00.001-07:00

This picture was taken from our back porch. A while back I blogged about rainbows and their significance to me. It is God’s signature in the sky, a reminder of His unbroken Word. What He says He will do, He will do.

The past 18 months or so have been, by far, the hardest in my life. Not void of good events, but certainly full of trials that pushed me to my absolute limit. Familiar passages in the Bible about trials serving to refine our faith have taken on a much greater meaning to me.

You see, I had a big ole’ bitter root in my heart. A couple of them, even. They were so big, had existed so long, and were so much a part of me that I didn’t even realize they were there. If you’d have asked me if I were bitter about anything, I’d have sincerely said, “No.”

But our wonderful Heavenly Father, Who loves us just as we are, also loves us enough to not leave us that way! He knew that the bitter roots in my heart were poisoning me and all my relationships—especially my relationship with Him! How did He expose them? Trials. Fire. Ouch.

I Peter 1:7
“Trials have come so that your faith—of greater value than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”

The Lord used difficult circumstances to expose the strangling bitterness, and then forced me to look things in the eye and deal with the junk. Wow, I have cried so much. He performed open-heart surgery on me, and I made it much more difficult by resisting Him. I felt secure in my little walled-in world. I was protecting myself from being hurt again, so I thought. Really I was just making myself a prison, with the hurt right there living and breathing down my neck!

I’ve had a series of turning points over the past few months, though. What has it taken? Really surrendering to the Lord. Obeying His nudges, no matter what the cost. I’d been trying to do the “right thing” for so long without a right heart. God saw through it all and made me face stuff that I couldn’t do unless I had a right heart. There was no will power big enough for it. Am I making any sense?

Do you know that old song, “To be like Jesus, to be like Jesus, all I ask, is to be like Him. All through life’s journey, from earth to glory, all I ask, is to be like Him”?

Mom and Dad had John Starnes singing that in their car one day a few weeks ago. The Lord used that simple song to remind me of how I need to be. Jesus gave His life for me, knowing it would be painful. He knew the hours of torture He’d endure. Yet the Bible says He never made a sound through it all. He never resisted the pain. He loved me so much that He gave His all for me.

Then He said, “Will you do that for others? Will you open yourself to the people who have hurt you? Will you trust Me to comfort you if they hurt you again?” I wanted to say, “Yes,” and I did, but I also begged God for strength. I knew I didn’t have that kind of resolve. I had used will power to do so much, but I’d always been guarding my heart. This kind of love wasn’t in me. God had to do it through me.

And you know what? He did! He really did. He showed up, showed Himself faithful to His Word. His Words are true. He promises to help us, that we can do all things with Christ’s strength. Every promise He has ever made is trustworthy, unbroken like a circle, like a rainbow.

Now everything I experience is with a whole new filter over my spirit. I didn’t realize how much my bitterness had peppered everything. I remember recently driving to Durban with Kristen and Carol in the car with me, and constantly exclaiming, “It is so good to be doing this without any junk tainting my heart!”

Oh, thank You, Jesus! The joy that has now replaced the sorrow in my heart is indescribable.

When I was jet-lagged in Sidney and up in the night, I read these words:

Isaiah 48:10
“Look, I have refined you, but not as silver. I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.”

Oh, yeah.

v. 17
“I am the LORD your God, Who teaches you for your benefit, Who leads you in the way you should go.”

So, all this is for my benefit? He says, “Yep.”

v. 20 - 21
“Declare with a shout of joy, proclaim this, let it go out to the end of the earth;
announce, “The LORD has redeemed His servant Jacob!”

And in the next chapter…

Isaiah 49:12
“Shout for joy, you heavens!
Earth, rejoice!
Mountains break into joyful shouts!
For the LORD has comforted His people,
And will have compassion on His afflicted ones.”

He WILL DO what He says He will do. Oh, I do want to shout it to everyone!

Can I encourage you, if you are facing a trial, to cling to Him? Stay in the Word, though it might be the last thing you feel like reading. It’s much easier to channel surf and try to ignore the pain than it is to plow into the Bible. But it’s the only way through it. And what you read is life-giving and TRUE. He might bring things about in ways we are not anticipating, but HE NEVER LIES. He can do the impossible, and delights in doing it quite frequently.

It took greater faith for me to believe He could change my (emotional) heart condition than anything in my whole life (not even moving to Africa challenged my faith like this!). But He did it. He has been faithful to me through it all, even when I deliberately disobeyed Him. Oh, be encouraged, my friend. If He’s allowing the affliction, that means He’s loving you as a Father. (See Hebrews 12.)

Oh, and if you see a rainbow, may it remind you of His unbroken Word, His faithfulness to fulfill His promises, and His HUGE love that will never, EVER leave you. He’ll see you through it all. Just keep believing Him.

2007-01-31T21:43:00.000-08:00

Jeremiah 32:27

"I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me?"

Family Party Night

2007-01-26T13:40:00.000-08:00

Have you heard of this idea? Some friends of ours introduced us to the concept of “family night” being “Family PARTY Night.” The kids really get into it. We try to set aside Friday night for our little Rodgers family party.

So, tonight we ate our traditional Friday night home-made pizza (the best pizza in town) on the veranda because the weather was so nice. THEN after eating chocolate chip cookies (made with precious Nestle morsels) and home-made ice cream, we piled into the living room for a movie Ben brought from the States: Karate Kid.

We actually watched Karate Kid II tonight. The girls and I sort of cringed through the fighting parts (but knew Ralph Machio would win in the end). Levi covered his head with his blanket and groaned through the romantic parts. Kayla smiled and sighed then. It is as much fun watching the kids as it is to watch the movie, I think.

Sometimes we’ll play a game like Uno or Candy Land. Man, I really love our kids. I love spending time with them. I enjoy how quick they are to laugh. I learn so much from them.

When we tuck them in, Ben and I always take a few minutes with each of them individually to pray and discuss the day. It’s amazing how much they open up during those moments.

So, now everyone is tucked in and asleep, and I’m wide awake. I shouldn’t be, but I drank a Coke tonight. Plus I ate that chocolate. Hmmmm… CAFFEINE! I’m wired despite my sleep deficit.

I guess I’ll be having my own little party for the next hour or so. I’ll plan my day tomorrow (Isaac and Carol are coming!), mend a curtain I’ve ignored for a year, and perhaps finally chisel away at one of the many books I’ve started but not yet finished. Maybe I’ll even figure out how to upload a picture from my computer to my blog site! (Mom still does that for me…what can I say? She has a Mac is what she’d say.)

Party on, Dude!

"Let's Pretend..."

2007-01-13T11:51:00.000-08:00

I have to share a funny with you.

A few days ago Levi and a couple of his buddies were in the back seat of our car. They weren't being naughty or even really loud, but were just being typical little boys with great stories to tell.

Well, Kayla suddenly reached her limit, turned around in her seat, and with great intensity said, "Let's pretend I'M Jesus an YOU are the seas!" Then she stretched both of her hands toward the boys and said, "PEACE!"

I laughed so hard I cried. I finally had to make myself think about something else because I was battling to see the road. She, too, caught the humor of it and laughed. I have her consent to blog this story. We all have had several good laughs from this one.

Kids...gotta love 'em.

By the way, my kids Kayla and Levi have blog sites (links are in the margin to your right). My mom helps them post, and they usually have pictures to accompany their entertaining entries.

He is No Fool

2007-01-06T04:31:00.000-08:00

Recently, while driving, I popped in an old Twila Paris CD, one that impacted my life when I was in the 8th grade. I told my kids to listen carefully to the words of a song that includes a quote by Jim Elliot, one of the missionaries martyred along with Nate Saint. (The story is told in movie The End of the Spear.)

Here are a few of the words:

There once was a man
Born of high circumstance
Heir to advantage
He had every chance to succeed

But light from the Cross
Made his dreams appear small
And to their surprise
He went far from it all

For the love of His Savior
For one priceless jewel
They could not understand
So they called him a fool

He is no fool
If he would choose
To give the thing he cannot keep
To buy what he can never lose

To see a treasure in one soul
That far outshines the brightest gold
He is no fool
He is no fool

The kids were captivated as I told them about Jim Elliot, how he was killed, and then how his wife and daughter went and lived with the people who killed him, ultimately leading those people to Christ. His wife, Elisabeth Elliot, has always been one of my heroes.

I now think about the sacrifices missionaries out here have made: Businesses and career opportunities, being close with their families, nice homes, friends, etc. By the world’s standards, they are fools. But by God’s standards, they are making very wise, eternal investments with great dividends. And they’ll all tell you they are blessed in this life as well, which is a fulfillment of the scripture Luke 18:29:

“Has anyone left home or family for God’s kingdom? They will receive many times as much in this world. In the world to come, they will live forever.”

So, I can see with my mind’s eye these people lifting their lives to God, hands cupped and arms outstretched, a living sacrifice to Him. It is a beautiful thing. Although it is still sometimes painful, it is not a foolish choice.

“He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” –Jim Elliot

Going Home for the Holidays

2006-12-06T05:44:00.002-08:00

Two days ago, these fabulous people (L to R: Danielle, Daran, Joelle, Gabby, Teresa, Kristen, Nathaniel, Charles, and Patrick) loaded up and left Swaziland, heading to the USA for the holidays. We miss them so terribly already. Thank you to all the family and friends who have released them to be here with us. I'm excited for you to see them, and I feel a bit more empathy for you as I now stay on this side of the Atlantic, heart aching at their absence. I love them all so much. Two years ago, Ben and I were daily begging the Lord to send us people to help with the work here. Wow, how He has provided us with the cream of the crop! They have helped impact Africa's children with the love of Jesus! Thank You, Lord!

Little Acts with Big Love

2006-10-17T07:11:00.000-07:00

A medical team from the States was here this past week to minister to people at some of our CarePoints, and I had the privilege of participating in two days of the outreach. Dr. Beyda (one of the most brilliant doctors ever), aware of my interest in medicine, invited me to sit with him and learn as he treated patients. It was a fantastic experience.

Just over 1,700 people were treated in five days, and many gave their hearts to Christ. The Lord’s name was made famous and glorified. What an awesome thing of which to be a part!

My personal experience:

This thing, of course, is not about me or any individual’s personal ambitions, yet the Lord has a way of fulfilling our heart’s desires—desires that He Himself has planted in our hearts—as we go about doing His will.

Matthew 10:41, 42 (Message)
“This is a large work I’ve called you into, but don’t be overwhelmed by it. It’s best to start small. Give a cool cup of water to someone who is thirsty, for instance. The smallest act of giving or receiving makes you a true apprentice. You won’t lose out on a thing.”

The Lord used that verse to call me to missions when I was eight years old. That is also the verse upon which Children’s Cup is based and thus named. The passage came alive to me again as Ben read it from The Message to the whole group of people (the ‘Cup missionaries, the medical team, teachers, spiritual counselors, volunteers, etc.) before we began to minister on Wednesday morning. He was exhorting all of us to do little acts with big love.

One of the patients we saw had a nasty wound under her arm that needed to be drained. I held her hand as Dr. Troy did this operation while she lay on a wobbly folding table. At one point during the procedure, we gave her some additional oral pain medication, and I found myself scooping her up and helping her drink some water in order to swallow the pills. Again, that verse came to my mind. “Apprentice…cup of cool water…large work…don’t be overwhelmed…smallest act…”

I know He has a plan for me, and He has a plan for you. Each of us fits into His Body that is bigger than life. It’s all for His glory. And how fulfilling it is to feel the Lord’s huge love flowing through us to the people whom we touch, even if it is just with a hug or a cup of cool water!

To see more pictures of the medical team trip, please check out the photo album on the Youngs' blog: www.charlesandkristen.blogspot.com.

Mozambique Beach

2006-09-25T16:00:00.000-07:00

Ah, here is my first attempt at posting a picture. (and I'm struggling...perhaps Ben will help me in the morning...right now it is 1:30 a.m.)

I’m excited to share with you our first family trip to Mozambique. We went for just a few days with the Rehmeyers and the Poes (another missionary family—great people), and stayed in cabins in a very remote area. The beach was amazingly beautiful.

We climbed on reefs and caught crabs and jelly fish. The kids collected many beautiful shells. The nights were cool enough to warrant jackets and bonfires over which we roasted marshmallows and made SMORES (Africa-style since we can’t get graham crackers or normal marshmallows—but it was fun anyway!).

Thank You, Lord, for this fantastic experience. It was a much-needed getaway as the pace has now picked up significantly. We embrace it all.

Rehmeyer Kids

2006-08-11T05:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, it has yet again been a long time since my last blog entry, but this time I have a good excuse: our phone line is not working, thus I cannot get online. It has been out since last week’s wind storm (it really was like a rainless hurricane). At least we have electricity and water back! Anyway, I’ve stolen a moment at the ‘Cup office to give touch base with you. If I don’t respond to emails, at least now you know why!

Today, for the forty days of prayer, the focus is on the Rehmeyer and Rodgers kids (see www.childrenscup.org for more information). Two Rehmeyer kids did not go to school today on account of being sick, so this is good timing. God’s timing always is perfect, though, isn’t it?

I just want to brag on these amazing kids for a minute, though. Last weekend Teresa, Danielle, Nathaniel, and Joelle stayed at our house (Daran and Gabby were out of town) because they did not yet have electricity. The kids stayed with me all Saturday while Teresa did ‘Cup stuff, and they were great! It was so fun. We made pancakes (everything--even the syrup--from scratch, of course). They took turns helping with that process. Then with the clean-up they were just as helpful. All day was that way.

We naturally see a lot of the Rehmeyers (which we Rodgers love). As you know, anytime you spend a lot of time with people, you get to know their core. I am here to say that this family is awesome, sold-out to Jesus, and such a gift in our lives. I love them so much, and I thank God for them as they are a direct answer to our desperate prayers.

Dear Lord, please bless these kids in a special way today. May they grow ever closer to You as even at these young ages are already pursuing You and doing their best to make You famous at their schools. Thank You, Lord, for these treasures You are sharing with us and with Africa. May You fulfill Your purpose for them in a mighty way. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Update

2006-07-23T07:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I’m being terribly inconsistent of late (sorry, Danny). Can I be a bum and tell you to go to charlesandkristen.blogspot.com to see pictures of our Chick Night and our 4th of July party? Kristen is great about posting pictures. I don’t even have a charger for my camera right now, so I’m going to have to mooch off of her for a while. Thanks, Friend.

Ben, Daran, Charles, Pat, and Nathie are currently taking kids home from the camp that just finished. Charles said a lot of kids responded to the salvation call. Very cool. May the seeds planted in the kids’ hearts grow strong and healthy. May this next generation of Swazis impact this country for Jesus.

In other news, we are doing fine. Levi had bronchial pneumonia, and Trinity had bronchitis a couple weeks ago. They’re over that, thank God. We basically camped by the fireplace that week. It’s been MUCH warmer, lately. Almost like spring already.

Kayla officially started grade 4 work last week (we’re home schooling). She is excited. Levi is enjoying school, also. Trinity does her “work” along with them (coloring, puzzles, etc.). I am so thankful I get to stay home and teach them. They are also enjoying their extra lessons: art, music, and gymnastics. The kids are often practicing their handstands. I wonder who they get that from… :-)

A week after we had our 4th of July party, some friends of ours had a “Christmas in July” party. Reason? It is so COLD here that it feels like Christmastime! I’ve always wanted to do that, but between the 4th and then Ben’s birthday (and now Kristen’s also!) being on the 20th, I just couldn’t pull off the Christmas party. SO, we enthusiastically dug out our Santa hats and Christmas CDS, and we got festive in anticipation of the party. We even made Christmas cookies. Kristen helped with the frosting part and took pictures (maybe she will post one of those). It was really fun.

While Kayla, Trinity, and I joined the Christmas party, Ben took Levi on a special trip--just the two of them. Ben posted about it, complete with pictures: benrodgers.blogspot.com. I'm so happy for them!

I still get home sick. Sundays are consistently the hardest. (Oh, how we miss HPC! And going to On the Border afterwards!) But the Lord is helping us by filling our lives with wonderful friends and other activities. (Like Kristen said, not replacing the spot in our hearts for loved ones back home, but adding onto the group instead!) Today is Sunday, and when Ben gets back from transporting the Care Point kids we will head to Doug and Tasha’s to play board games. Yea!

So, there’s the update. I’ll try to post again in a couple days.

Mo' Happenin'

2006-07-18T22:11:00.000-07:00

Lots of cool stuff is going on. My brother Dan just posted about one of the latest things—and it is something in which you can participate, if you wish. He explained it so well, all I’ll say now is here is his blogspot: danohlerking.blogspot.com
It’s worth reading.

Forgetting to Breathe

2006-07-05T07:20:00.000-07:00

This morning was crazy. Hectic. Lots to get done before I rushed out the door. I was racing around, trying to remember everything: Crystal's birthday present, cookies for Bible study, water bottle, extra clothes for Trinity, Bible and lesson book, cell phone (I hate it when I forget that), my watch, etc.

Time to go. I stood in my bedroom doorway, looking around. I said out loud, "Lord, am I forgetting anything?" In my spirit was His prompt reply, "You're forgetting to breathe." I could hear the smile in His voice. My stress went down several notches as I, too, smiled and said, "Yeah, I suppose this is true."

I love how He loves us. Unexpected little moments like that are treasures. He comes along with a Word that diffuses the tension and reminds us that we can trust that He's still in control. "Don't forget to breathe!"

Chick Night at the Rodgers' House

2006-07-03T12:51:00.000-07:00

Our church in Baton Rouge, Healing Place Church, has amazing Chick Nights. We missionary gals sit here and yearn to be a part of it.

Well, while Ben was in Tanzania with a team, we had our own Chick Night. Twelve gals (all but one of them being missionaries) came over for home-made pizza and American chocolate. Six of the ladies stayed all night. We did Mary Kay masks and skin treatments. We huddled by the fireplace and talked until we couldn’t keep our eyes open. It was a blast.

Kristen took pictures; I’ll have to ask her to help me get a picture up on this blog to show you. (Should I post the one with us in green masks?)

Anyway, I smile now as I think about the laughter and bonding that happened. Thank You, Lord, for turning what could have been a pretty lonely Friday night into a night I doubt any of us will ever forget.

Morning Warmth

2006-06-28T23:19:00.000-07:00

This morning it was hard to talk myself into getting out of bed. Oooo, it’s so cold in the house today! I decided to layer up, go to the kitchen, and make a mug of hot water to drink to warm my insides. I also took my hot water bottle to fill with boiling water. (It’s now on my lap, bringing me warmth as I type.)

As I was waiting for the water to boil, I sort of paced around the kitchen with my hot drink in hand. I turned on some worship music and let my mind rest on the Lord. The room was already bright, but when the sun suddenly burst over the hill in the distance, the place became brilliant. Rays filtered through the palm trees in our back yard, making the light dance over me and on the floor. “Wow, Lord, You’re beautiful.”

What has brought me more warmth than the hot water this morning is the God’s Word. My eyes fell to the index cards I’d stuck on the microwave yesterday.

2 Peter 3:9
“The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some would understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

Revelation 21:5
“He Who was seated on the throne said, ‘I am making everything new!’ Then He said, ‘Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.’”

Genesis 18:14
“Is ANYTHING too hard for the Lord?”

This morning, though, even the comfort of His promises to me pales in comparison to the simple awesome beauty of the Lord Himself. What a wonder it is that He knows me intimately and longs for me to know Him! This Universe-Creator God loves me. That thought brings a warmth in my spirit that makes me forget any physical cold. I also forget my selfish longings and just find peace in His Presence.

The balm of the Lord’s love is the best heat source of all!

Free Fallin'

2006-06-19T21:46:00.000-07:00

A couple days ago Ben and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. We went away for the weekend, leaving the kids with Charles and Kristen who nobly volunteered to do that. (Thanks, guys!)

We went hiking and saw a bunch of waterfalls. We also went to a place where people can jump into a gorge. Yep, I did it. It was about 200 feet of a free-fall. Wow, what a thrill. I lost my breath during the descent, only waiting for the rope attached to me to tighten and pull me into a swing. Oh, it was fun. And then as I swung back and forth I could see a beautiful waterfall—one not visible from where we stood up above. The pool at the bottom looked like something out of a movie. That, too, was breathtaking.

The Lord spoke to me through this experience, shedding light on so many analogies.

One humorous moment before I stepped off the edge, the people realized they’d nearly forgotten to disconnect me from the little safety rope. That would have been a short jump with possibly some whip-lash!

And the Lord is compelling me to disconnect from things holding me back from surrendering to all He wants to do in my life. Those things are keeping me from experiencing the thrill and beauty of all God has for me. I know I must cut away from them, and I’m striving to do that, but oh how scary it is!

It’s amazing how the Lord comes at us from all different directions when He’s trying to speak something to us, isn’t it? Right now in our ladies’ Bible study we are learning about Abraham and the Lord’s covenant with him. Yesterday’s homework, in light of the Lord’s requirement of circumcision, asked the following question:

“You and I may need to ‘put off’ or even figuratively ‘cut off’ something from our lives so we may bear much fruit. Is God speaking to you? If so, use this space to write your response to Him.”

The Holy Spirit once again has my number!

I don’t want to let fear hold me back. Fear of pain. Fear of the unknown. “The just will live by faith,” keeps coming back to my mind (Hebrews 10). It takes faith to cut off that safety rope that in reality is a chain, a bondage. It takes faith to surrender completely to the Lord and step off the edge of everything we know to be secure. But then God’s grace is always there. His faithful love never fails. He WILL catch us, carry us, and let us see beauty beyond our imagination. The Lord has promised abundant life.

So, let’s do it! Let’s cut loose of all that holds us back and free-fall into the exhilarating grace of God!

I Choose Grace

2006-06-15T21:53:00.000-07:00

Hey, I'm being encouraged by another cool song I have just gotta post. It is by Twila Paris...not sure of the title, but it's on her True North CD. (I can't find the case.)

All alone in my own self will
Old familiar story
So determined to try
Until I fail
You’ve been waiting
As I learn again
Straining to the pressure
And You offer me a better way
Hear me pray
Hear me say

I choose grace
I choose mercy
I choose love and all it means
I choose grace
‘Cause I need the power
And I need to walk in humility

Just how often
Have I let You down
And all the hope around me
Break a gentle heart
Along with mine
You keep holding out
Your arms again
Just the way You found me
And You carry me across another line
Hear me cry
No more pride

I choose grace (that’s what You’ve given to me)
I choose mercy (that’s why I need to be free)
I choose love and all it means
I choose grace (that’s what You’ve given to me)
‘Cause I need the power (that’s why I need to be free)
And I need to walk in humility

I am growing weary
Of this foolish independence
I reach out for grace
And I will reach out
To extend it
I will reach out
I will reach out
I will reach out

I choose grace (that’s what You’ve given to me)
I choose mercy (that’s why I need to be free)
I choose love and all it means
I choose grace (that’s what You’ve given to me)
‘Cause I need the power (that’s why I need to be free)
And I need to walk in humility

Teach me to walk in humility

Whatever You Ask

2006-06-10T02:49:00.000-07:00

Do you know the Steve Camp song “Whatever You Ask”?

I was in junior high when it came out, yet it still has an impact on me. Over the years I’ve written the words to the song in my journal many times as a prayer to the Lord. It is a prayer of surrender.

Yet I’m learning that willingness to obey is only part of the equation. I am learning how much I try to obey the Lord’s instructions with my own strength and not His. I can be pretty strong-willed, which has enabled me to do a lot with my own fierce resolve. (Pride, pride..."me do!")

But now the Lord is allowing me to face something that my will is not strong enough to fight. The wall is too high to scale. Frustration has resulted, and finally brokenness is setting in.

And God says, “Ah, now you’re getting where I want you to be.” I know He wants me to totally rely on His strength and not my own. I’m still learning how to do that. Learning how much I don’t do that.

Romans 9:16 comes back to me yet again:
“So then, it does not rely on human will or effort, but on God Who shows mercy.”

But still, the starting place is surrender. And the next step is to keep on surrendering when the going gets tough.

Lord, I see the things
You ask of me
Faithfulness, holiness,
And purity
I love Your truth
I long to show it to the world
For You

But Lord I need Your help
To understand
The other person that
I sometimes am
I never want
To live a day
That I can’t say to You

Lord, whatever You ask
I want to obey You
To let my life beat
With a servant’s heart
Lord, whatever You ask
I know that You
Can give me wisdom
And courage
To equal the task
Whatever You ask

There's so much
That steals away
The will to take the time
To serve or pray
And there are days
I don't take up Your cross
And follow You

But I have learned
That I can talk with You
You know everything
That I'm going through
If I just ask
I find You're right there
Providing me
With the strength I need

Lord, whatever You ask
I want to obey You
To let my life beat
With a servant’s heart
Lord, whatever
You ask I know that You
Can give me wisdom
And courage
To equal the task
Whatever You ask

(by Steve Camp)

Surrender?

2006-06-09T09:12:00.000-07:00

What, really truly, does it look like to surrender to God?

Yeah, yeah, I could rattle off the answers you'd hear in church. Soul search time for me, though.

So, yes, I surrendered my will to God and moved to Africa. Seems like that was step one of a thousand in this surrender process. The more I get to know the Lord, the more I become aware of how UNsurrendered I am. I'm thankful He loves us anyway, and that whether we go to heaven isn't dependent upon our performance. Christ already took care of that one. AND I'm thankful that He can use us despite our flaws.

I am also aware, though, that the more I surrender to Him and His will, the more peace I have. The more He can use me for His purposes. It's "all good" (thx, Monica), when I surrender to Him. Even if the dying to my selfishness is downright excruciating. It's worth it in the end. And to NOT surrender in actuality is MORE painful.

So, Sooze. Good grief! Give it up! (I'm preaching to myself...)

Not Moping

2006-06-06T22:52:00.000-07:00

You wouldn’t believe how cold it is here right now. Really. It was 53 degrees (according to my digital clock) IN OUR BEDROOM when we got up this morning. No central heat in the homes around here. When Ben went running a couple mornings ago, he said there was frost all over the place.

Our guys get together on Wednesday mornings at 6:30 for prayer. We gals get together at 9:30 (“a.m. in the morning”). Today it’s all happening at our house, so Ben and I forced ourselves out of bed into our frigid room to get going. I put on SO many layers, including a knit hat from Mom and a big HPC sweatshirt from Danny.

In more effort to get warm I did lunges just now as I was waiting for the computer to connect to the Internet and download email (you also would be incredulous at how long it takes to do that).
It’s funny, though, and I even mentioned to Ben it is a bit of an adventure having to bundle up just to be warm in your own house. We huddle by the fireplace often.

Last night after supper Charles & Kristen and Ben & I watched the new Healing Place Church DVD (oh, it’s so good—thank you Ms Barbara!) by the fire. We ache to be there, yet we’re thrilled to be here. Does that make sense?

So, freezing weather, slow Internet, and homesick hearts I guess can sound like I’m moping, but instead it’s really alright. Cindy Stermer recently told me you can laugh or you can cry; might as well laugh. That’s what we’re doing, and God’s grace is big enough to sustain us when it gets REALLY hard.

Okay, I’ll share a verse I jotted on an index card today:

Psalm 34:18,19
“The Lord is near the brokenhearted;
He saves those crushed in spirit.
Many adversities come to the one who is righteous,
But the Lord delivers him from them all.”

Wow, He does this is so many ways. I think one of those ways is by helping us laugh. That joy unspeakable thing.

Nope. Not moping. Thanks, Lord!

Pulled Through a Knot

2006-06-02T00:38:00.000-07:00

Ever had one of those weeks? Feeling like you’ve been pulled through a knot? Time for the rubber to meet the road. Time to apply the truth we know even though our emotions are everywhere else.

“Consider it great JOY, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4

What do you mean, Lord? I’ve cried a bucket of tears this week, and You tell me to consider it great joy?

He has His eyes on the outcome. I tend to look at the current pain. He is eliminating stuff from my heart that shouldn’t be there. I cry from the severing and the void left behind. He exposes my self-protective walls that are really prison walls, and I freak out as He nudges me to take steps to knock down those walls. They might keep out hurt, but they also hold hurt in. They also keep me from receiving love, much less giving it.

Another verse that comes to mind is, “Through suffering Christ learned obedience.” That one has always been an enigma to me. Jesus was born sinless! Yet the Father taught Jesus obedience by allowing suffering.

So, add that to the list of things I don’t understand about God’s ways. But didn’t He say in Isaiah that we can’t understand the way He thinks anyway? His ways to us are like the heavens over the earth.

Back to trusting Him.

So, Lord, I don’t understand WHY You have to use hurtful things to grow good fruit in us, but I choose to trust You anyway. I cling to You through this. I choose worship as I know I’ll find strength in Your Presence. With Your help I won’t turn to chocolate or flesh-feeders to mask the pain. I know the end product will be worth it all.

Hebrews 12 is a great encouragement during trials. (It’s worth looking it up if you’ve got a minute.) Verse 11 reads, “No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

And this morning I can testify that there is a fruit of peace beginning to grow inside me regarding the very things that still hurt so much. I know the Lord has His hand in all this. I trust Him through it, and I know He will sustain me.

Enough Said

2006-05-29T21:41:00.000-07:00

I just read today in a Beth Moore Bible study the following words:

"The weaknesses of God's children do not strain the strength of God."

Enough said.

A Day in the Life of a Children's Cup Missionary

2006-05-28T00:03:00.000-07:00

We ‘Cup Team members have been given a homework assignment of documenting a day of our lives, hour by hour. Saturday, 27 May 06, was the date I was given. So, here is what happened to me yesterday. Check out my dad’s blog tomorrow
http://www.daveohlerking@blogspot.com, for Sunday is his day to document.

7:00
Talked with Ben; prayed together
Quiet time/devotions

8:00
Got kids organized
Ben and Kayla to grocery store
Set up Levi and Trinity by the fire with warm strawberry soy milk and Levi’s new movie: Flight of the Navigator

9:00
Got myself dressed and my room organized (partly, anyway…)
Checked email; finished writing in journal

10:00
Breakfast: Ben made eggs and toast. He also bought strawberries!

11:00
Played ping-pong with Ben
Doug Myers stopped by

12:00
Went jogging with Ben (it was hard that time! EISH! Maybe I ate too much breakfast.)

1:00
Played outside with the kids and the dogs (soccer, pushed them on the swings, practiced hand-stands and round-offs)
Sung Happy Birthday LOUD and off-key to Patrick, who had just gotten back from taking Bible Club helpers camping

2:00
Lunch (Ben was on a role and fried shrimp for lunch!)

3:00
Shower
Mom called! She’d just gotten back to the States.
Finish getting self ready
Help Trinity get dressed after her bath (she got in with Kayla who washed her for me—thank you, Kayla!)

4:00
Prepared house for friends to come

5:00
People began showing up, and I always feel myself relaxing as they come through the door! I LOVE having everyone over.

6:00
Fed the masses: Mostly American missionaries come to our house on Saturday nights, sometimes over 40 people show up if you count all the kids. We have potluck meals with themes (Mexican, Pizza, Soup, etc.)
Sung happy birthday to Pat (again in appropriate off-key style) and Wyatt Chapman

7:00
Julie Anderson played the guitar and led worship
Watched a John Bevere video about drawing near to God
Prayed together and fellowshipped

10:30
Locked up house, prayed over the kids, prepared for bed

11:00
Ben and I talked about our day and prayed together
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Okay, I’m a mommy so use your imagination to fill in gaps with trips to the potty with Trinity and the other typical things mommies do. Each day is full—never boring! I’m very thankful for the ways the Lord has blessed me.

Heartstrings

2006-05-23T22:20:00.000-07:00

“Abundant peace belongs to those who love Your instruction. Nothing makes them stumble.” (reference? It’s on a card in the kitchen…)

The Lord’s instructions bring peace if we obey.

Yesterday I put on the Second Chapter of Acts collection album, and a song really spoke to me:

Heartstrings
Yesterday my heart was fine
Now it’s skipping out of time
I should have listened to my heartstrings
Never should have taken that left turn
Should have listened to my heartstrings
Now my sweet life is tumbling tumbling down

All at once I was in trouble
I need help and on the double
Someone said it is so subtle
Lord, it’s true
When I lose sight of You!
*****************************
So, no matter how much it kills me to obey those Holy Spirit nudges, my heartstrings, I know it will bring peace if I do.

Romans 8:13
“If you live according to the flesh, you will die. But if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.”

Romans 9:16
“So then it does not depend on human will or effort, but on God Who shows mercy.”

I am acutely aware of my inability to obey without the Lord’s help. This verse 16 confirms that’s true. So back to letting God consume me and work righteousness in me. Focus on Jesus. He’ll help me to hear and obey the Holy Spirit—my heartstrings.

Trusting All the Way

2006-05-23T05:55:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a passage of scripture nearly jump off the page at you?

Last week at our ladies’ Bible study I had several verses impact me, but one more than the others. I went home that night and looked it up in different translations. Then I wrote it in my journal. Then I put it on a couple index cards on my bathroom mirror. Then I wrote it again and stuck it on the wall by our computer. I sent it in an email to a friend. Am I obsessed? Why not blog it? Maybe it will encourage someone else…

Hebrews 10:35-38 (TNIV)
“SO DO NOT THROW AWAY YOUR CONFIDENCE; it will be richly rewarded.
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.
In just a little while, He Who is coming will come and will not delay…
My righteous ones will live by faith. I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.”

Hebrews 10:35-36,39 (Message)
“So don’t throw it all away. You were sure of yourselves then. It’s still a sure thing! But you need to stick it out, staying with God’s plan so you’ll be there for the promised completion.
We’re not quitters who lose out. Oh no! We’ll stay with it and survive, trusting all the way.”

Growing Missionary Family

2006-05-16T14:32:00.000-07:00

I just want to exclaim to the Lord and everyone I know how thankful I am (we all are, for that matter) that Charles and Kristen are here! We have already had so many amazing moments together. They totally are already an essential part of the ‘Cup family.

Charles is fun and unpredictable—ready to get you laughing in one moment and then in the next moment saying, “Can we just pray about this right now?” A few nights ago he roped us into dancing in the kitchen (making fools of ourselves—Mom videoed it even) to a peppy David Crowder song. It was a little game some Care Point kids taught Charles and Kirsten after they’d taught them the “Hokey Pokey.” We were laughing so hard.

Another time we were sitting by the fire, talking about stuff when Charles turned on some worship music and asked if we could just pray for a few minutes. We ended up praying for quite a while—praying alone, praying for each other, praying aloud about different stuff. It was really cool. Spontaneous prayer meeting.

Kristen is also wonderful. She is warm, friendly, ready to listen and ready to share her stories as well. I love her so much already. She adds a lot to our group. (And she already has a flock of missionaries thrilled that she does hair!)

They both have totally jumped in to ministry stuff already. Kristen is going with Teresa today to do medical stuff at one of the Care Points. It's not her first time, either. Charles met with a pastor yesterday regarding getting his church involved at a certain Care Point. Last week he and Pat hung curtains Barbara Conti (Pat's mom) made for the children's ward at one of the hospitals. I could fill this whole blog with different ways they are getting involved. Y'all can be proud of them!

We’re having them over for dinner all the time as they’re settling into life here in Swaziland. I LOVE it and selfishly dread the day they’re more independent of us. Kristen assured me tonight that she’s all into getting together with friends for dinner.

Two years ago Ben and I were desperately praying every day for the Lord to send us more workers. He is totally answering our prayers, and we are overwhelmed with the amazing people He is putting here. The VanRensburgs, Patrick, the Rehmeyers, and now the Youngs--I love them all so much.

Wow, Lord, thank You!

Promises

2006-05-12T04:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was an amazing day. It started with men’s early morning prayer meeting at our house. I set out home-made bagels and goodies along with starting a pot of coffee while Ben built a fire. Ben and I sat watching the fire while we waited for the guys to show up (then I would leave the living room).

At one point I remember saying as I kind of stared into the flames, “I just don’t know about this medical degree dream, Ben. I just don’t see how it’s gonna happen.” I concluded it with saying, “Lord, my life is Yours. Whatever You want to do with it.”

Then in the afternoon Teresa and I had the amazing experience of helping a woman deliver her baby in her house. (The story should be in the next ‘Cup Newsletter—see www.childrenscup.org if you don’t receive this and would like to. It’s free.)

God had His hand in the entire process. And I also look back and see how that whole event could have taken place without my being there, and everything would have been alright. But He did let me be there, an active participant. And I left that woman’s house with a greater desire than ever before to get a medical degree, to be a doctor.

If He does not have this for my future, I’d consider yesterday’s experience to be a cruel joke on me. But the Lord doesn’t operate like that. And Ben and Mom individually said the words that confirmed what I was timidly hoping for in my heart, that this is a promise about the future He has for me.

That word promise has a lot of meaning to me. The first rainbow was the Lord’s symbol of His promise to Noah to not flood the earth. Every time it rains and sun shines at the same time, I’m out scanning the sky for a rainbow. I’m kind of fanatical about it, even. I’ll stop a conversation to go look for a rainbow. I draw a little rainbow in the margin of my Bible every time I read the word “promise” or “covenant.” Rainbows are a visual reminder to me of God’s Words.

God’s promises are never broken, just like a perfect rainbow. They are beautiful, too. And they only come in His perfect timing.

So, with great emotion I type this, exposing another corner of my heart and a huge desire I have. I don’t know how the Lord will bring it about or the timing. I’m still a bit timid about it, but hopeful. While I wait, I’ll choose to trust Him and continue to surrender my life to Him, a living sacrifice.

Just More Journal Gush

2006-05-07T22:43:00.000-07:00

John 7:18b
“But He who seeks the glory of the One who sent Him is true, and there is no unrighteousness in Him.”

Personal application: Live life for God’s glory and it’ll be much easier to live a righteous life. If I’m living for His glory, I’ll be much less likely to make selfish decisions.

Wow. I keep looking for that “humble, submissive in spirit, and trembling at the Lord’s Word” verse when today my eyes have caught verses in Jeremiah 23.

v.22 – leadership enabling people to hear God’s words (or not)
v.26 – refers to deceit in their minds (Oh how I understand that one—deceit in my mind!)
v.27 – the people forgot God because of Baal worship. They forgot His Name.

Anything more important to myself than God is an idol. Get wrapped up in an idol and it truly is easy to forget about God. Then the temporary high finally crashes and I’m once again reminded that only the Lord can satisfy.

v.29 – “'Is not My Word like fire'—the Lord’s declaration—'and like a sledgehammer that pulverizes rock?'”

His Words are so important! I must be tuned in! Those “little nudges” are in reality so much more than that—I MUST OBEY. It is not an option.

Sometimes the Holy Spirit says, “Do this,” when I really don’t want to. I REALLY would rather do that other thing. Sometimes it seems so small and insignificant. But little foxes spoil the vine, right? Little disobediences can royally mess up the big picture.

“He leads me in the paths of righteousness, for His Name’s sake.” (Psalm 23) Ah, again obeying with the purpose of the Lord’s glory. His instructions keep me on the right path.

“Trust me,” He says in my heart.

Proverbs 3:5 (Holman Christian Standard Version)
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on our own understanding.”

My own understanding often says, “This little thing won’t hurt.” For example, I sense the Holy Spirit say, “Don’t say those words right now.” I think, “Why not? They aren’t gossip or lies.” But then I’m reminded (especially when I DISOBEY) that all the Lord’s Words are like fire. It is critical that I obey in all my decisions.

v.6
“Think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths.”

Some days I get frustrated because it seems like at every turn the Holy Spirit is pulling me from what I’m about to do. I feel like a toddler who keeps nearly wandering off the sidewalk into the street or ditch. I get frustrated when I get my eyes off the Lord and onto my own selfish wants. Back to being humble (not thinking about myself), submissive in spirit (having an attitude of obedience), and trembling at the Lord’s Word (prompt to obey when He speaks, not debating or analyzing).

So, if I’m focused on Christ, I’m a whole lot less likely to wander off course. That’s not a news flash, but how profound it is and how easily I forget!

6 May 06 entry

2006-05-05T22:45:00.000-07:00

Colossians 1:11, 12
“May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience, with joy giving thanks to the Father, Who has enabled you to share in the saints’ inheritance in the light.”

v.13
“He has rescued us from the domain of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”

2:6, 7
“Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, WALK IN HIM, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”

Okay, thankfulness seems to be a big theme of late in the verses the Lord is spotlighting for me.

Lord, I repent of being unthankful and choosing discontentment. I repent of looking to anyone or anything else to be my joy and strength. You are bigger, better, more beautiful, loving me lavishly (even if I can’t figure it out or even fully receive it), the ultimate hero. I will choose to delight in You.

Straight From My Journal

2006-05-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

I often copy scriptures into my journal that the Lord uses to speak to my heart. Here is everything I copied this morning. In this blog I have italicized my own personal comments I’d jotted between the verses. Once again, being vulnerable, I am choosing to share this in hopes that someone else will perhaps draw strength.

2 Corinthians 1:3,4
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our afflictions, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

Galatians 5:16
“Walk by the Spirit and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.”

That to me says obey those nudges. Be tuned in, humble (not thinking of what I want), submissive in spirit, and trembling at the Lord’s word (that’s in Jeremiah? Isaiah?).

v. 17 & 18
“For the flesh desires what is against the Spirit, and the Spirit desires what is against the flesh; these are opposed to each other, so that you don’t do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, then you are not under the law.”

Another verse that came to mind yesterday:
“Don’t be surprised at this painful trial as though something strange were happening to you.”

also
“Jesus said, ‘In this world you will have many troubles. But take heart! I have overcome the world!”

Philippians 4:13
“I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH!”

Ephesians 2:3-5
“We too all previously lived among them in our fleshy desires, carrying out the inclinations of our flesh and thoughts, and by nature we were children under wrath, as others were also.
“But God, Who is abundant in mercy, because of His great love He had for us, made us alive with the Messiah even though we were dead in trespasses. By grace you are saved!”

Philippians 3:13
“For it is God Who is working in you, enabling you both to will and to act for His good purpose.”

Romans 7:5,6a
“For when we were in the flesh, the sinful passions operated through the law in every part of us and bore fruit to death. But now we have been released from the law, SINCE WE HAVE DIED TO WHAT HELD US.”

v. 11
“For sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me, and through it killed me.”

v. 22-25
“For in my inner self I joyfully agree with God’s law. But I see a different law in the parts of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and taking me prisoner to the law of sin in the parts of my body. What a wretched man I am! Who will save me from this body of death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with my mind I myself am a slave to the law of God, but with my flesh, to the law of sin.”

Romans 8:1
“Therefore, NO CONDEMNATION now exists for those in Christ Jesus, because the Spirit’s law of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.”

v.5
“Those whose lives are according to the flesh think about the things of the flesh, but those whose lives are according to the Spirit, about the things of the Spirit.

v.6
“For the mind-set of the flesh is death, but the mind-set of the Spirit is life and peace.”

v.13
“If you live according to the flesh, you are going to die. But if by the spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.”

Romans 9:16
“So then it does not depend on human will or effort, but on God Who shows mercy.”

How acutely aware I am of the fact that my efforts are futile! Jesus, please give me the strength to slam the dagger into my fleshy cravings. May they die. May You be glorified.

He's On My Side

2006-04-30T02:03:00.000-07:00

Excerpts from today’s quiet time:

Micah 7:8,9 (Message)
“Don’t, enemy, crow over me.
I’m down, but I’m not out.
I’m sitting in the dark right now,
But God is my light.
I can take God’s punishing rage.
I deserve it—I sinned.
But it’s not forever.
He’s on my side
And is going to get me out of this.
He’ll turn on the lights
And show me His ways.
I’ll see the whole picture
And how right He is.”

Oh, how I need the light turned on in my brain! I know the truth will set me free.

To Blog or Not to Blog

2006-04-28T07:37:00.000-07:00

Obviously I’m not a consistent blogger. Internet access in Swaziland is always slow and sometimes impossible. I could list other excuses like the busyness of home-schooling and potty-training, but I also know that people make time to do what is important to them.

Posting blogs is important to me, but honestly I’ve been a little afraid to be…honest. Often what is on my mind is not all that happy to write about. I know Ben also struggles with this. Sometimes he comes home more “down” than “up,” having dealt with the reality of AIDS, the lies people believe, and the consequences thereof. We struggle with our own personal issues, clinging to Jesus as we cry out for strength to not yield to our sinful cravings.

So, fear and pride have probably been the biggest hindrances for me in my blogging pursuit. Yet I’m tired of being so wrapped up in myself. If what I’m going through, day by day, and the things the Lord is teaching me through them can somehow encourage just one other person, than it is worth the risk of being vulnerable in cyberspace.

I’ll write what is in my heart; I’ll write what I believe the Lord is speaking to me. May I never come across preachy or “holier than thou,” for I am painfully aware of how desperate I am for Jesus’ strength to do anything right. Without Him I’m truly hopeless, but with His strength He says I can do all things. (Philippians 4:13)

So as I wrestle between my feelings and what I know to be true (God’s Word), I will post the things that I am led to write. May the trials I’ve been going through not be wasted experiences. May the Lord encourage us all through them.

Family Update

2006-04-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

How about a quick family update?

I’m home schooling the kids this year, and it has been going quite well--thank You, Lord. There is a frantic thing inside me that wants to do this with excellence and not mess up. It keeps me begging God for wisdom. It’s fun, though, and even Trinity has her own little “desk” where she colors and does puzzles. I enjoy teaching the kids. This is just a right decision, one we prayed a lot about and are so glad we obeyed the Lord’s voice!

This past weekend our missionary “Survivor” group got together here for an Easter Egg Hunt at our house. It was so fun. It was also Crusoe Chapman’s first birthday party. We love our friends so much—wow, how we are blessed with such amazing people in our lives!

Yesterday four of us gals got together and drove—no kids—to a city in South Africa for a day of shopping. It was amazing. Oh, so fun. Ben and Dad worried the whole time, I’m afraid. But we’re all back safe and sound, with hearts still warm from all the laughter we shared together.

Ben, the kids, and I went to a Care Point last week armed with puppets, stickers, and candy. Do you remember “Bullfrogs and Butterflies”? Well, all the kids helped to make puppets sing a few songs off that very album with the help of a portable CD player. It was really fun, and the Care Point kids especially enjoyed it when Trinity would peek from behind our cloth “stage,” showing her curious little face to the crowd. Later, Kayla and Levi helped hand out suckers to the kids as they came through the line for their meal of pap and beans.

At one point Ben shared about Jesus dying on the cross and had some of the kids there help reenact the event. They seem very receptive to the Gospel, and responded when asked if they wanted to make Jesus their friend. I pray that the seeds planted and watered will grow strong. That’s the most important part of what we do.

Well, I have so much more to gush about. Perhaps I’ll post another blog soon. The Lord has been doing so much in my heart, teaching me over and over about the importance of worship as He allows me to walk through hard stuff. He is always faithful to see me through.

Psalm 37 To-Do List

2006-01-30T00:35:00.000-08:00

The other morning I was making a to-do list. I had just read Psalm 37, and found myself making my to-do list from instructions in that chapter. Here is what I jotted in my journal:

Don’t be agitated by evildoers
Trust in the Lord
Do what is good
Dwell in the land
Live securely
Delight in the Lord
Commit your way to the Lord
Trust in Him (and He will act!)
Be silent before the Lord
Wait expectantly for Him
Don’t be agitated (that’s twice!)
Refrain from anger
Give up rage
Put your hope in the Lord
Turn from evil
Do what is good
Wait for the Lord (that’s twice, too!)
Keep His way
Watch the blameless
Observe the upright

Wow, these things stir in my heart again as I type them.

Verses 39 & 40 are especially cool:
“The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord, their refuge in a time of distress. The Lord helps and delivers them from the wicked and will save them because they take refuge in Him.”

I also listed the promises in my journal, but I have a to-do list waiting for me right now! I’d better get on it.

Please Pray for D.A.

2006-01-21T12:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday the Lord jarred me out of my self-absorbed world for a moment.

Recently we have needed some maintenance on the locks in our house, so we’ve had a locksmith here a few times. In the few short conversations with him, I learned that he was engaged, but the wedding had been postponed because Togo, his fiancé, was fighting cancer. “It’s looking positive,” he said. I promised to pray for her.

When he came again a couple weeks later, I asked about her. He was surprised but pleased that I’d remembered her name. “I promised to pray for her,” I replied simply. He talked a little about his Togo’s faith, and how he didn’t have as much as her.

Well, yesterday he suddenly showed up with red eyes and dark clothes on. His fiancé had suddenly passed away. UGH. He’d lost his first wife in a car accident 11 years ago. He himself was in a terrible wreck one year ago, and it took him months to recover. Now this!

How much can someone suffer?

Oh Lord, please comfort our new friend as he grieves yet another loss. Please may he discover You, Your love, Your awesome soothing Presence! May he embrace You and live for You all of his life, gushing Your love to others! And comfort the children she left behind. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Please will you pray for him, too? I hope one day he comes again to our house and says, “I’ve found Jesus!”

Take All of Me

2006-01-19T22:44:00.000-08:00

Lord, please take these hands
Lifted up to You
Use them for Your glory
Your wonderful will to do

Take these eyes
No evil set before them
Seeing others through Your filter
Alert to what You are doing

Take these ears
Also must be protected
Quick to hear and listen
Your voice accurately selected

Take this nose
Enjoying Your world of fragrance
May I please Your nose, too
Worship: a sweet-smelling incense

Take these lips
Expressing, kissing, living
May they smile most of all
Your joy in me overflowing

Take my teeth and tongue
Guard them closely I pray
The input (food) and output (words)
All controlled by You everyday

Take this countenance
May it reflect Your beauty
Susan simply transparent
Jesus seen completely

Take this shoulder
Even now it is hurting
Somehow please work it for good
While I wait for healing

Take these hands again
May they give, provide, attend
Doing Your work cheerfully
Please love people through them

Take these feet
Walking this Swazi mountain
As they go where You lead
To enable Your Gospel’s proclamation

Take this skin
Pale, freckled, and bumpy
Please protect me from cancer
Help me to treat it wisely

Take this mind
Oh, how I’m thirsty to learn
Scriptures, languages, new skills
And a medical degree to earn

Train my thoughts
Please help me stay them on Jesus
Keep them from the gutter
On You and Your Word to focus

Take this heart
Beating strong and steady
May every pulse be for Your glory
Stopping only when You’re ready

Take this spirit
It’s sore today, I’m afraid
Please, Lord, come and sooth it
You know about this pain

Protect me from getting bitter
May I know Your unfailing love
Is this love the River
My brother was speaking of?

Help me to receive
All You have to offer
I empty my cup of gods
Making room for You, Father

Take All of Me, my God
Here I lay on the altar
Please help me to stay here
To You I totally surrender

Adventures in Grocery Shopping

2006-01-10T13:29:00.000-08:00

Okay, I’m going to try writing more. I’ll start with an event from today.

Kayla is now 8, Levi is 5½ , and Trinity is 2. I took them, along with Joelle Rehmeyer (8), to the grocery store today. Each of the girls got a little kid-sized grocery cart while Levi hopped (head first—seriously!) into my big cart. Here they call the carts “trolleys.”

We made a “trolley train” through the store so we didn’t barricade the aisles, and gradually filled up on stuff. It was an adventure, especially with Trinity easily getting side-tracked. (No, kiddo, we don’t need that!) The kids were good help. Trinity loves to put bananas in bags. We often end up making banana bread because of our banana surplus.

Right before we got out of the car today to begin our shopping adventure, we prayed together. We then filled our pockets with little tracts and index cards with scriptures written on them, ready to share the Word. The employees at the store know us and are eager for the “Good News” or “Truth” as we call it. One man today pulled out a little scripture booklet we’d given to him a while back. He said he often reads it and is very happy to have it. Another person was excited about the index card handed to him and said, “I need this!”

Wow, people are so hungry for Truth! And the Bible says that God’s Word will not return void!

So, we are training little soldiers to help advance God’s kingdom by telling others about Jesus. Sometimes we tell them, "Jesu yakhu tandza," which means, "Jesus loves you." It is fun. It is an honor, really. Thank You, Lord, for this privilege!

Remember Love

2005-12-04T11:23:00.000-08:00

It changes everything
How you feel inside
How you treat others
Your confidence
Your kindness
Your generosity
Your energy
Let God's love consume you
Unconditional
Lavish and faithful
Permeating
Healing
Transforming
Receive His love every day
Let Him fill your love tank
Gush it to others
Then go back for more
In everything you do,
Remember Love

"The greatest of all is LOVE."

Casting Burdens

2005-09-17T12:49:00.000-07:00

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” I Peter 5:7 (NIV)

The past few days I’ve had a burden. I’ve battled to not worry. I have tried everything in my power to solve this problem, yet I’m still not able to fix it. I’ve prayed for a solution, yet so far the Lord just keeps saying, “Wait. Trust Me.”

Ever been there?

My problem isn’t too huge, I guess, in the grand scheme of things. I can’t find the strap for Trinity’s seat belt. I took it out to get it washed, and now I’m unable to find it. And the nearest Wal-Mart where I could buy a new one is literally about 10,000 miles away. Every weekday I drive a road that once was in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most fatal accidents in the world. I feel Trinity really NEEDS to be in her car seat (despite the fact that there is no law enforcing that here in Swaziland).

My stomach tightens even as I type these words.

What is worse is I feel this is my fault. I should have taken the time to loop that seat belt back into the car seat the moment it reached my hands. But I didn’t. I put it somewhere “safe.” Perhaps it was too safe? Or perhaps Trinity found it and put it in her own “safe” place? All I know is, after searching through and organizing many cupboards (and finding other things!), I still can’t find it. I try to figure it out when I lay down at night. I just have to keep going back to, “Lord, I trust You for Your perfect solution in this.”

A few days ago as I was on a diligent search, the Lord clearly prompted me to stop what I was doing and sit with Trinity. She was watching a Psalty video. I chose to obey, although I really wanted to continue my quest for that seat belt. I sat on the floor with Trinity on my lap, and the next song was about casting your cares upon Jesus.

I’ll cast all my cares upon You
I’ll lay all of my burdens
Down at Your feet
Whenever I don’t know
What to do
I’ll just cast all my cares upon You

Such a tender love from God flooded over me, as though it were me in His lap. Okay, Abba-Daddy, I’ll trust You with this. I’ll cast my cares on You. You’ll take care of this, even though I feel it is my fault I’m in this mess.

Such peace accompanies trusting the Lord! In Ephesians 2:14 we find the words “He is our peace.” Jesus is our peace. He lives in my heart. I can trust Him and walk in peace.

“Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.” Psalm 55:22 (NIV)

Have I found the seat belt yet? Nope. But I trust our caring Father to help me find a solution, one way or another. Whenever I find my tummy once again tightening with anxiety, I say (out loud sometimes), “Lord, I choose to trust You with this. I choose to cast this burden on You.”

And in exchange for my burden, the Lord floods me with peace. Wow. Thank You, Lord!

Humbling Situations

2005-09-05T22:07:00.000-07:00

Ephesians 4:29
“When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need—words that will help others become stronger. Then what you say will do good to those who listen to you.”

Yesterday in the shower I begged God for His LOVE to consume me, as well as many other fruit, but especially HUMIILITY. Ask for humility and what do you get? Humbling situations.

Yesterday evening we had some friends over for dinner. Earlier Kayla and I made a chocolate cake. I should have told Kayla to scrape the top of the measuring spoon with a knife (for the cocoa), but instead I had her press it to the side which made the measurements bigger.

My fault.

But when we served our over-chocolaty dessert I whispered to our guests that Kayla was the one who measured the chocolate.

What a terrible thing to do!

That whole cake was a fiasco as I also made the frosting too runny and tried putting it on the cake while it was still warm…the frosting was running off like lava, and the top layer of cake kept sliding around.

Humility. God was answering my prayer, yet I resisted and tried to pin the blame on someone else.

So today I’ll tell Kayla what I did and apologize to her. She is usually extremely merciful. I am hoping for her gracious forgiveness once again.

I’ll also tell our friends at next opportunity the same, asking them for forgiveness.

Pride is such an ugly thing.

And forgiveness is so beautiful.

Isaiah 1:18
“The Lord says, ‘Come, let us talk about these things. Though your sins are like scarlet, they can be as white as snow. Though your sins are deep red, they can be white like wool.